something positive...

on saturday evening, i got a phone call from my mom, an exhausted sounding, but exited message on my machine...they had heard from daniel. he was being sent to kuwait, to wait to be sent back to okinawa. on the 25th, if all is well, he'll be sent home...to tennessee....when i heard the message i couldn't help but cry. i hardly ever cry happy tears, i always thought it felt so odd...but, i couldn't control them, they just came. the past few days have been so completely emotional. as close as my family and i are, we hardly ever talk on the phone these days...it's just too painful...all of the things going on. and then the news of the crash...and then finding out that daniel is ok, and might even come home (pre empted by the news that he was on the 'second' helicopter, the one that didn't crash, 50/50 chances).
i've heard no news to tell me different, so my hope is still that he is on his way out of there. it's the only positive news my family has had in some time...and it makes me wonderfully happy and terribly nervous.

waiting...

yesterday in iraq, a helicopter went down in the desert and 31 marines were killed. among those 31 marines, 27 of them were stationed in kaneohe bay hawaii, and were with the 1st battalion, 3rd marines, 3rd division, III meu...this is the same battalion that my younger brother is with. as more and more time goes by, more and more names are released, and having not heard any news from my parents as of yet, my hopes are high that he is ok. but, there is the still fear. so much fear that my stomach is in knots. the waiting is almost unbearable. and then still more fear and anxiety, will he remain and be sent home safe?
coupled with the fear is the absolute anger that i feel toward bush, and the current administration. bush spoke yesterday, of how these deaths may "discourage" the american people, but we must stay with it, to "spread freedom". he showed no emotion for the fallen, i honestly don't think i've ever seen him show any emotion for any of the 1400 men who have died recently for the lies we've been told...we are already discouraged mr.president, we have been for a while.
but, no amount of political ranting will make this ok.
my heart goes out to the families of the marines who died yesterday. i'm sure my brother was friends with some of them, and they are not alone in their grieving.

the obligatory "oh my jesus, could there be any more snow?!" post

so. it snowed. and then it snowed. and then some more it snowed. and we shoveled and shoveled, and then some more we shoveled. and tomorrow, here in beantown, it will snow again. but we will not shovel...we will sled.
because, last night...on a fairly fresh two feet of snow, we managed to find, the best sledding hill ever!! it's no secret, in fact, it's pretty much one of the only hills in boston...but, damn, it's a good one. leave it to harvard to create a perfect little slice of park heaven in the middle of jamaica plain. for those of you who are not aware of the absolute, A-#1 Best Thing In Boston...you must visit the Arnold Arboretum in JP. ernie and i discovered it this summer, on a lazy sunday afternoon with nothing else to do but brush each other's hair, and read the paper. we had long thought that jamaica plain was much too far to drive for a park, but had heard that the arboretum held unknown pleasures, and it was sunday, so why not travel. it turned out to be, as said, heavenly. literally, it was what i imagine heaven would look like, complete with a lilac hill, a rose pond, a cedar forest and a bonsai garden.
the hill that we went to last night was easily a quarter mile to the top, if not more...starting off at a fair pace, not too slow, not too fast, and then ending with a burst of speed and craziness, before delivering you softly to the bottom of the hill without fear of tree injuries or snowbanks. it was only after four or five trips having to walk our sleds back to the top, that we realized why sledding should be done during the day and not at ten o'clock at night (at 11 degrees out), and why we should really take better care of ourselves and do a lot more cardio. pants wet, and frozen, thoroughly out of breath, we did the only thing we could do. we went for pizza...sicilian style.
it's odd how parts of your life can be absolutely perfect at times, while other parts of your life are farther from perfect than they've ever been.

correction: it is an '18k' gold tipped fountain pen.

this is the man that just bought me a 14k gold tipped fountain pen...loverly loverly loverly. 

one too many mornin's...

not feeling the least bit bloggish of late. with the absolute reality of things weighing so heavy on my head it's harder and harder to lift myself from the pillow each day. but, i do...eventually. 'tis the season...supposedly happy.
to distract myself as of late:
not been doing much reading, other than the occasional copy of the onion, or short story/article from the new yorker. took a four year old child to new york city for her first visit (and during christmas, no less)...outstandingly enlightening. it's funny that i'm still astonished when children notice things i would have never seen, even if i've been there a thousand times. i don't think i've completely forgotten what it was like. have i?
met new friends of mine, old friends of ernie's, visiting from sweden. went to a show in boston, at great scott. saw local bands, tristan da cunha, night rally, and the clickers. spazzy proggish art rock...described by someone as not being within an arm's length of 4/4 time. but, again, i continue to be pleasantly suprised by boston's local music scene. three local bands, and i liked them all. although, call me old fashioned, but the clickers were a little too much fugazi and not enough artrock for me. ;-) ..it's a joke, a really bad joke.
there are many other things i'm sure i could mention...but as i said, not feeling bloggish.
off on a holiday adventure. up to new york, then down to tennessee to see what the new year will bring. it must be better than the last. it really must. i don't think i'll survive another 2004.
cheers.

some girly shot glasses i made with my magical etching creme... 

laundry day...

just a bit of how my life is going right now...
did laundry today. i own 6 pair of pajama pants...and 2 pair of regular pants.
six (6) pair of pajama pants.

so many depressing things in my life, here is one small positive...through the wonder of the internet, found a mix listed on catbirdseat today that some random person had made, that lifted my head.
lovely mix.

more living...

no more positive news from home. only sadness. never did i think that i would one day be afraid to call my family or pick up the phone, for fear of the worst. my brother nigel is still suffering in jail for a horrible crime that he did not commit...that he could not have even contemplated committing. and my youngest brother is still in iraq, i hope doing ok, fighting for democracy.
democracy...what a completely cruel joke. yes, yes, i know we live in one of the more "just" societies in this world...but when utter injustice is affecting the very lives of the people you love, it's almost impossible to rally around it.
but, as is said, by many, when dealing with so much sadness and cruelty that the brain shuts down, "life will go on".

even though the weather in new england is holding out, and the days are nice and breezy at worst...i can't seem to get out of the house for more than a few hours. so, i sit on the couch, and obsessively knit. it's comforting, i suppose. but, i think my muscles are beginning to atrophy. since i went from walking two to three miles a day, to sitting, for hours on end, for days at a time; my body is in protest...and i can barely get out of a chair without my bones cracking and complaining.

so, tonight...it's off to the middle east...for shortlived respite. one of my few favorite things about boston, the beat circus are playing along with a gypsy punk band called gogol bordello and a gothic cabaret band from nyc called barbez (who, if the website is correct, have an amazing theremin player, who actually 'plays' the theremin, and has been playing for eight years, rather than just tinkering with it, as i do). there will also be a fire eater from coney island, to help things along, if the psycho circus music, gypsy punks, and theremin playing just aren't exiting enough for everyone. ;-)

the sky isn't falling...so i guess it's a good day.

this is my new project...you guessed it...another scarf. in double seed stitch...again...easy, distracting. that's all i need. 

close up of the pattern...very easy...very distracting...involves tiny spurts of tedious counting...always good to keep your mind off more urgent matters. 

...bit of a blur...but, to further my distractions in this time of utter unemployment...i finally finished ernie's scarf in basket weave. 

i think i'm going to be sick

this is possibly the saddest, most nauseating thing i've ever read...

sweeping the nation...

i'm much more upset about bush being elected president than i thought i would be. yes, i voted...for kerry. and somewhere, deep down inside, i knew, with the way things have been going lately, that he wouldn't win. the united states is filled with too many greedy idiots for anything good to ever happen, regardless of who becomes president. buckle up everyone, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
i don't know if i can properly explain what's happening in my life without sounding like some sort of sad and tragic novel. "psychological displacement"...i think that's what they call it. i'm almost numb, at this point. tears come only every now and then.
this morning, at three a.m., i had a phone call from my mom, telling me that she had just had a phone call from daniel, my brother in the marines, in iraq. we were afraid of the worst when we found out that the nine marines that had recently been killed in iraq were all in daniel's battalion. he said that he knew most of them, and was close with a few of them. they were only about two miles away when the blast happened. so close. the reality of this whole indescribable madness hits home, every single day...and it's been hitting harder and harder lately.
add this to the incredible pain and tragedy that has already been happening to my family, and i honestly wonder how much more we can take.
if we are under the illusion that we have any sort of "control" over our lives, by trying to live our lives in certain ways (good or bad)...we are horribly wrong. because, as much as we try to 'understand' why such tragedies happen, the absolute truth is that there aren't any real reasons for them.
it's heartbreaking...almost literally, to try to accept this fact. but, there's nothing else to do...life will go on with, or without us, whether we like it or not.

dismal. i know. but hey, that's life, right?

ernie and i blurred almost to nothing... 

ernie and i again. 

ernie and i. 

halloween in our kitchen with andy warhol, michael moore, a yankees fan, and the ringmaster. sally in her bondage.  

also the halloween party....we projected movies onto our celing...for ambiance. i think it may have made everyone sleepy...or maybe that was the wine....ernie and i cheered ourselves up at the end of the night by watching punch drunk love on our 'big screen'... 

our halloween party on saturday. circus theme...it was fun...our decorations turned out better than the actual party...time to change our routine, indeed.