Thursday, June 19, 2008

chi town

team doeg is venturing into the wilds of greater chicago for the next month.
harlan and i will be flying out today and i really hope that my yoga practice will make it easier to change his diaper in those tiny little bathrooms. it's a funny time in your life when your biggest concern when preparing for a flight is 'when is baby going to poop?'.
here are some fun facts:
*According to state law in Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. The
officially recognized language is ``American.''
*In Guernee,IL it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to
ride horses in shorts. (that just seems like good logic)
*A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be
called master, not mister, when addressed by their female
counterparts. (this will be fun)
*In Chicago it is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (again, logic prevails)
*In Chicago, it is illegal to give a dog wiskey. (this will be one sober vacation for scout)
*In IL it is illegal to fish in your pajamas. (it should also be illegal for high school age girls to go the mall in their pajamas...just sayin', pajama bottoms with the word 'juicy' across your big butt, not a good look). to the city of big shoulders.


Friday, June 13, 2008


a list of things i should probably stop saying before my child starts discernibly repeating everything i say (none that i'm particularly proud of):

1. 'that's just retarded'
2. 'you know how i know you're gay...'
3. 'pick a lane, douchebag'
4. 'that's what she said'
5. 'oh, for f*ck's sake, pick a lane!!'
6. 'cooch, cunt, 'gina, vaj, and all other naughty words for my holy bits' (as well as surrounding slang, i.e. cunt rag).
7. 'meter readers are boils on the ass of society' (as well as anything i may have said during an on street rant today when a meter reader hid around a corner, watched me get my child out of my car, strap him into his stroller, frantically search through my purse for quarters, then walk away from my car and go into the bodega to get quarters and proceeded to put a ticket on my car in the one minute that i was lie, i checked the time on my phone and the time on the ticket...just plain mean and bitter...saw said meter reader later walking down the street, almost yelled out "hey you fat fuck, sorry you're such a miserable piece of shit", then realized that she was, in fact, a fat, miserable looking human being, and was afraid if i yelled that at her, i may be personally responsible for her suicide attempt).
8. 'hey you fat fuck, sorry you're such a miserable piece of shit'
9. 'i don't mind maroon 5 so much'
10. 'harlan, did you just shit your diaper?'

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


one week in new york city is enough to make boston look like the most boring city in the world. pics and a rundown of my trip to come soon (for posterity, you know).

the current heatwave in new england is making me feel very nostalgic.
one summer in tennessee, (where the heat/humidity is so oppressive at times, it can make the tops of your knees sweat), i think i listened to this song two billion times (at least). i still hold a special place for it in my heart.
Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins