Tuesday, August 03, 2004

testament to boredom

it seems that each time that i tell someone all i do at work is answer the phone, they always have suggestions as to what i can do with my spare time. so, i've come up with a few things of my own.
things i can do at work with my spare time:
*knit large sweaters and afghans for everyone i know
*read the entire bibliographies of tolstoy, dostoevski, turgenev, nabokov, gogol, chekhov, pushkin, bulgakov, and lemony snicket.
*write a novel wherein the first letter of each word of each sentence corresponds with ascending letters of the alphabet: for example- a buxom curlyhaired dingbat enters five grown...etc.etc.
*neatly fold ten thousand tiny origami stars
*memorize the origins of every word in the oxford english dictionary
*handmake one thousand pink pasties for my, soon to be highly acclaimed,"five hundred girl burlesque revue"
*tone my upper and lower arms to the point where i can bend steel
*learn to say "wow, those are huge bananas!" in forty different languages
*dig a hole through my cubicle with a spoon, and bust outta this joint!
*ponder ways in which elmer fudd could actually succeed at 'killing the wabbit'

...any and all further suggestions for things i can do at work in my spare time will be taken under careful consideration.


Anonymous said...

You can build yourself an imaginary big band army that roams the urban landscape attacking and reforming unsuspecting gutterpunks with all the fire power of Glenn Miller and Tommy Dorsey.

Oh the adventures you’ll have…

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like all you need is a label maker. I find it especially entertaining to make a "TURD" label and stick it in some incongruous location, like on the coffee maker or a co-worker's stapler. Another good idea is to make a large "No Spitting!" sign and tack it up next to the copy machine. It just cracks me up to think that the sign implies that at some point in the past the company had a severe problem with people spitting while waiting for their copies.

Just an idea.

Jonny Q