future

i never really knew what i wanted to be when i grew up. i guess that's why i never really became anything. i still think sometimes, just for comfort, i'm not grown up. telling myself that i still have more time to do whatever i want with my life, and actually make something meaningful out of it. like i said, for comfort...not reality. i'm pale, i'm pretty whiney and selfish. but quicker than one thinks, priorities in your life can suddenly shift. the only things that i truly care about in my life right now, are getting my little brother out of jail (something that i can do nothing about, short of coming up with a quick fifty thousand dollars), making sure my parents don't both have a nervous breakdown from the stress, and staying in touch with my other younger brother who is fighting somewhere in iraq with the marines, hoping that someone is looking out for him.
so much uncertanty, it's amazing to me that we are even able to walk around like we do, without crumpling up on the sidewalk and crying ourselves to sleep.