inevitable

haven't been blogging in a bit. i've grown a little tired of reading what i'm writing, and some days it's all i can do just to come up with a facebook status update. (oh, woe is me, right?)
today, started ok. the weather was supposed to be nice and hot. very hot for this time of year. i had to do some errands in medford square, and hubby took the car so i rallied harlan together and we shuffled down to the bus stop. when we got to our stop, i noticed that the place we were going was closed until may 2nd (small toy store, but still, who does business like that any more?). i called hubby. no answer. called him again on his work phone, and his boss answered...strange...'is ernie there?'..no answer..."hello???"...still no answer, then click. they hung up.
again, strange. but i didn't think anything of it until i got two missed messages on my cell phone from "home"...my home, the one no one was supposed to be at.
crap. my stomach sank.
i knew immediately what had happened. but i hoped for the best.
i called home. hubby answered. 'hey, what are you doing home?'. hard swallow.
'just lost my job'...'i just don't know what we're going to do'.
crap, again.

we sort of knew it was coming...it was abrupt, still. but so it goes. people are bizarre and they have their ways. i know his boss reads my blog, so i won't give him the satisfaction of any further comments.

i told hubby to come down and meet up for pizza. (what else was there to do, right, i mean, it was absolutely balmy and beautiful outside) the both of us were still in shock. the fact that the loss of a job can be such a huge blow is something i've never been able to get used to. it's always bothered me intensely, even if i hated the job. i just didn't like the idea of 'failing' at anything. now, with a child, and a dog, and car payment, and lots of medical expenses...it's even more daunting. there's unemployment, but we live in the greater boston area, unemployment won't even be a drop in the bucket for us. i've always wanted to leave this area...but recently, i've made some really good friends here, and i was beginning to get used to (somewhat) the idea of maybe sticking around a bit longer. but, now. now, we must re think things.

i keep telling myself all the things i have to be thankful for. we're better off than most. right now, anyway. still, the pit in my stomach is there. fear (mixed with anger)...instability, and uncertainty. wondering when we'll be able to 'settle'...if ever.

stay positive. what else is there to do, right?