laundry day...

just a bit of how my life is going right now...
did laundry today. i own 6 pair of pajama pants...and 2 pair of regular pants.
six (6) pair of pajama pants.

so many depressing things in my life, here is one small positive...through the wonder of the internet, found a mix listed on catbirdseat today that some random person had made, that lifted my head.
lovely mix.

more living...

no more positive news from home. only sadness. never did i think that i would one day be afraid to call my family or pick up the phone, for fear of the worst. my brother nigel is still suffering in jail for a horrible crime that he did not commit...that he could not have even contemplated committing. and my youngest brother is still in iraq, i hope doing ok, fighting for democracy.
democracy...what a completely cruel joke. yes, yes, i know we live in one of the more "just" societies in this world...but when utter injustice is affecting the very lives of the people you love, it's almost impossible to rally around it.
but, as is said, by many, when dealing with so much sadness and cruelty that the brain shuts down, "life will go on".

even though the weather in new england is holding out, and the days are nice and breezy at worst...i can't seem to get out of the house for more than a few hours. so, i sit on the couch, and obsessively knit. it's comforting, i suppose. but, i think my muscles are beginning to atrophy. since i went from walking two to three miles a day, to sitting, for hours on end, for days at a time; my body is in protest...and i can barely get out of a chair without my bones cracking and complaining.

so, tonight...it's off to the middle east...for shortlived respite. one of my few favorite things about boston, the beat circus are playing along with a gypsy punk band called gogol bordello and a gothic cabaret band from nyc called barbez (who, if the website is correct, have an amazing theremin player, who actually 'plays' the theremin, and has been playing for eight years, rather than just tinkering with it, as i do). there will also be a fire eater from coney island, to help things along, if the psycho circus music, gypsy punks, and theremin playing just aren't exiting enough for everyone. ;-)

the sky isn't falling...so i guess it's a good day.

this is my new project...you guessed it...another scarf. in double seed stitch...again...easy, distracting. that's all i need. 

close up of the pattern...very easy...very distracting...involves tiny spurts of tedious counting...always good to keep your mind off more urgent matters. 

...bit of a blur...but, to further my distractions in this time of utter unemployment...i finally finished ernie's scarf in basket weave. 

i think i'm going to be sick

this is possibly the saddest, most nauseating thing i've ever read...

sweeping the nation...

i'm much more upset about bush being elected president than i thought i would be. yes, i voted...for kerry. and somewhere, deep down inside, i knew, with the way things have been going lately, that he wouldn't win. the united states is filled with too many greedy idiots for anything good to ever happen, regardless of who becomes president. buckle up everyone, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
i don't know if i can properly explain what's happening in my life without sounding like some sort of sad and tragic novel. "psychological displacement"...i think that's what they call it. i'm almost numb, at this point. tears come only every now and then.
this morning, at three a.m., i had a phone call from my mom, telling me that she had just had a phone call from daniel, my brother in the marines, in iraq. we were afraid of the worst when we found out that the nine marines that had recently been killed in iraq were all in daniel's battalion. he said that he knew most of them, and was close with a few of them. they were only about two miles away when the blast happened. so close. the reality of this whole indescribable madness hits home, every single day...and it's been hitting harder and harder lately.
add this to the incredible pain and tragedy that has already been happening to my family, and i honestly wonder how much more we can take.
if we are under the illusion that we have any sort of "control" over our lives, by trying to live our lives in certain ways (good or bad)...we are horribly wrong. because, as much as we try to 'understand' why such tragedies happen, the absolute truth is that there aren't any real reasons for them.
it's heartbreaking...almost literally, to try to accept this fact. but, there's nothing else to do...life will go on with, or without us, whether we like it or not.

dismal. i know. but hey, that's life, right?

ernie and i blurred almost to nothing... 

ernie and i again. 

ernie and i. 

halloween in our kitchen with andy warhol, michael moore, a yankees fan, and the ringmaster. sally in her bondage.  

also the halloween party....we projected movies onto our celing...for ambiance. i think it may have made everyone sleepy...or maybe that was the wine....ernie and i cheered ourselves up at the end of the night by watching punch drunk love on our 'big screen'... 

our halloween party on saturday. circus theme...it was fun...our decorations turned out better than the actual party...time to change our routine, indeed.