zelda's fitz

knot for nothin'

2010-01-06T18:45:00.003-05:00

it is done. a new blog. a new year.
you can find me here, when i'm not knitting:
http://knotfornothin.wordpress.com/

not all knitting, but mostly.

will knit for comments

2010-01-04T17:07:00.001-05:00

stay tuned for knitting mayhem.

on the road to nowhere

2009-12-31T16:49:00.002-05:00

there comes a time in every blogger's life, when they have to ask themselves a few questions...why the hell do i keep updating this blog of mine? do i love to write, do i love to write about myself, do i love to share or is it a mixture of all of the above??

on more than a few occasion's i've heard these questions in my head, and i wonder whether i should continue this rambling of mine. in the new year, i resolve to figure out what this blog is going to become...more rambling? a knit blog? a mom blog? a food blog? a clever ruse for wasting time?

tune in for our next installment, when i figure this shit out.

cheers and happiest new year!

putting this issue to rest

2009-11-10T14:18:00.002-05:00

for a while now, i've been so back and forth in my head about sending harlan to preschool. big parts of me didn't see the point, large voices inside my head told me that he won't learn that way, and that being a stay at home mom, I could teach him these same things and in a more comfortable environment for him...but then, there was always the little voice, of doubt. the voice that whispers how i may be failing him on some level. they follow me around whenever i make any decision about harlan's future. preschool has become the standard for the northeast united states (as well as other places i'm sure). here, it seems, when your child is around the age of 2, you get the same look when you say you 'haven't picked out a preschool yet' as you get when your child is an infant and you tell people you didn't breastfeed. it's that look that moms give each other sometimes...that, "well, i guess everyone has their own way of raising their kids, but i think you're wrong" look (when really, they're doubting their own decisions too). it's good for their "social skills", everyone says, "even if they don't really learn anything". really? is it that good? can't i teach him social skills out in the real world, instead of having it taught to him in a classroom? riding the bus, going to museums, going to playgrounds, crafting at home, going to see music, looking at clouds, playing in the dirt...etc.etc....
i can imagine many situations where preschool would be beneficial for a child. i even agree with many of the preschool curriculums, like montessori, that focus more on creative play than on learning letters and numbers...but, for my own personal situation, i just don't see the need for it. and i don't want to rush harlan into learning things he's not ready to learn.
"Children must master the language of things, before they master the language of words" - Froebel, 1895

back and forth, back and forth. finally, after much research and painful self doubt, i feel i've come to a decision. as long as i am able to stay home during the day, harlan will not go to preschool.

there. i feel better. bring on puberty!

oh maine, i thought you were different

2009-11-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

mommy's alright, daddy's alright, they just seem a little wierd

2009-10-27T15:23:00.002-04:00

i try not to blog all that much about parenting. i'm a parent, a stay at home parent, it's a big part of my life, but love him as i do, my child does not consume every detail of my being. the thing is, though, every single thing that happens with my child amazes me and astounds me. him, the way he is, the way his little friends are, the way other parents are, the way people without children react to him, the way i react to him, the way he reacts to me, to the world around him...it is all so completely fascinating to me. i'm sure that's why there are so many parenting blogs already. even though it is all nothing new, nothing our parents and their parents and plenty of parents before them haven't felt. yet, we are all so flabbergasted and overwhelmed by the very act of creating a real, live human being, and watching them create themselves.

so, if i may, just an instance from my day to day for your consideration.
we were recently at smolak farms in north andover, ma to visit their pumpkin patch and just do the things that new england families do in the fall (eat cider donuts, leaf peep, pay a stupid amount of money for a ridiculously large pumpkin). they had some things set up to keep the kids entertained, including a large, bouncy slide thing. it had a little bouncy stairway on one side, a bouncy slide on the other. the only way to the top was to climb up this little stairway (very much like this). harlan was super excited about the slide. so like the good parents we are, we paid the 4 dollars for him to climb up and slide down. he's 2 1/2, but he's pretty tough, pretty athletic, tall for his age. he was the youngest on the slide. most kids being 7, 8, 9 years old, well over twice his size. as soon as he got on the stairs, i could sense disaster. he was too slow to climb as fast as the older kids. the older kids (all boys), started climbing over him using his face and shoulders as stairs and knocking him to the bottom in the process. i could not get to him, and he was getting pummeled by these kids. now, here's the interesting part, there were at least 12-15 parents standing at the bottom of this thing watching this happen...watching their own kids use this 2 1/2 year old's face as a stepping stone, and not one of them said one thing to ANY of their kids. anyone reading this who is a mother knows that it doesn't take much for a mother hen to get her feathers ruffled. and my feathers were fucking ruffled. i did everything short of grabbing each and every one of those kids by their hoodies and yanking them over the side of that thing. i yelled, i ROARED at these kids. i put the fear of god into their tiny, greasy faces. and STILL, not ONE parent said one word to anyone. not one word. no one told me to stop yelling at their kid, no one told the kids to stop stepping on faces. i was on my own. standing back, it was an absolutely fascinating social commentary. amazed. and flabbergasted.
boys are aggressive, harlan picks on kids younger than him right now. they NEED guidance, they NEED discipline if they're going to be decent adults. this scenario was such a testament to the massive amount of assholes in this country. (especially the ones running this country) just step on the little guy, get to the top, have your fun, do it again...and no one will say a thing.

the most amazing thing, even with all of the feet in his face, harlan loved that slide with every fiber of his being, you could see it on his face. he couldn't stop smiling. it was heart breaking, it really was.

a dream and a heartbreak

2009-10-14T09:13:00.003-04:00

my hubby is the sweetest man. he lets me sleep in most mornings until the absolute last minute when he has to leave for work. at 630am harlan wakes me up to cuddle, then gets up with hubby, then i fall back to sleep until 8am. it's a luxury that i do not take for granted.
but some mornings, in these in between sleeps, i dream. when the dreams are dark, the rest of the day is confusing. yesterday morning i dreamed about my younger brother...the brother in a prison in rural tennessee for a tragic crime i truly believe that he didn't commit.
the dream was set in a hill town, not sure why...looked like kentucky. i dreamed that nigel had been given the death penalty, but because of a paperwork mistake was able to walk right out of the courthouse without anyone noticing. he wasn't free, it would only be a matter of time before they were looking for him, but he was determined not to go back. he hid at our house (which was way up on top of a hill in the woods, a cabin, with a fireplace and lots of rugs, i remember vividly). at some point in the dream, i had to decide between the safety of my child and the safety of my brother...whether to turn him in or not. i woke up before the decision was made, but i woke up completely heartbroken just the same.
i realized throughout the day that i wasn't just heartbroken because of the dream...i was heartbroken because if nothing changes (appeal process fails), it will be 26 years before i see my brother again outside of a prison visiting room. 26 years before i get to see him paint again. 26 years before i get to share a meal with him. 26 years before i get to hear him play banjo again. 26 years before he has the freedom to walk into a room without being guided by a guard. he'll be in his fifties when he gets out, i'll be entering my sixties. the weight of the time is so intensely heavy.

for the entire rest of the day, i thought about him and felt completely helpless and heartbroken. i miss you nigel, i really do.

time for the round up...

2009-10-07T09:18:00.003-04:00

once again, i present to you, my three loyal readers, things i've been doing instead of blogging:
*inciting facebook comment riots
*inciting in-law family conflicts
*knitting knitting knitting
*watching my child be beautiful (awww..mush mush)
*making a list of people i'd like to kick in the face
*picking lots of p.y.o berries, apples, etc and sitting them on the counter so they can rot and mock my laziness.
*ignoring phone calls (as usual)
*ranting against pre school, then deciding i'm all for it, then ranting against it again.
*more knitting
*whining about how fat i am, and how crappy i always feel (while eating burger king)
*lusting after don draper (but not jon hamm)
*lusting after january jones (but not betty draper)
*visiting alpaca farms and dreaming
*seriously contemplating dying a blue streak in my hair and joining a roller derby league
*more dreaming
*listening to massive amounts of gillian welch
*checking over my facebook status updates to see what i've been up to for the past few weeks
*falling more crazy in love with the husband and his manly, husbandly ways (more mush)
*not blogging

that's about it friends. maybe i'll have something to say soon...in the spirit of blogging, i'll write even if i don't.

out with the old, in with the partially illiterate

2009-09-04T08:23:00.005-04:00

call me old fashioned, but i'm a big fan of books. i love the way they smell, i love the way they feel in my bag, the weight of them, i love to sit on the couch and flip the pages...i'm a bit of a bibliofile. which is why, it made me sad, almost sick to my stomach when i read this article:
Say Goodbye to the Books, Cushing Academy removes all books and library to be replaced with internet 'Learning Center'

granted, i've read lots of sad articles lately, what with the state of the american health care system, so many things are coming to the forefront that my brain is overrun with anger and sadness on a daily basis. but, this article, this one just made me sad for the state of our human condition. i love technology. i really do. i'm involved in all of the social networks (with the exception of twitter, and i'm sure it's just a matter of time). if it weren't for the internet, i would have been to the doctor every other day when harlan was first born...if it weren't for the internet, i would be so out of the loop when it comes to new music that used to take me hours of record store shopping, and rooting out the good from the bad (which i just don't have time for anymore, although i still enjoy doing it).
there are many many reasons why the internet and forward thinking technology is a good thing.
that being said, to have a prep school to get rid of it's library, is, i think the beginning of the end for our literary future as a whole. electronic books haven't been able to fully get off the ground for years now...people just don't want to read a book from a screen, big or small. a prep school is supposedly the place in our nation that houses the best and brightest of our youth, and they are teaching the next generation that books in paper form are a outdated and obsolete?
what will happen, unfortunately, is that kids will just stop reading. teachers will stop assigning books to be read. we will become a society of synopsis and wiki literature.
i know, i know, everything in this post makes 'me' sound outdated and obsolete. but, seriously, we've given up so much for technology, can't we just allow ourselves this one caveat? books. literature.
quote from the article:
“Books are not a waste of space, and they won’t be until a digital book can tolerate as much sand, survive a coffee spill, and have unlimited power. When that happens, there will be next to no difference between that and a book.’’
here, here!
in with the new, yes. but, out with the old? please no.

ADDENDUM:
*a letter from the headmaster at cushing academy regarding the library
*also an interview with him on NPR was really interesting and his reasons for making this decision made perfect sense (even if i'm still not in total agreement with him)...click on "technology in the classroom"

please enjoy the music while your blogger gathers her thoughts

2009-08-28T16:24:00.001-04:00

my 'missed connection' on craigslist

2009-08-07T13:33:00.001-04:00

to the miserable pussy hipster who pushed me (twice) while i was dancing at the old crow medicine show at house of blues on wednesday;
i really really hope i ruined the rest of your evening. i could have made it worse by having you kicked out, but i didn't, because when you pushed me the second time and then ran behind your 5'2" girlfriend to hide, i couldn't help but laugh at you. i know your kind, you go to shows with your plaid pearl button shirts, your faded in all the right spot jeans (that you borrowed from your dad, who works a real job so you can pansy ass around boston and get an 'education'), your scraggly beard, your mussy hair, you're all about 'cool'...you stand around at shows with your arms crossed and scowl while everyone around you tries to have fun, and god forbid anyone dance or enjoy themselves when the band plays the single from their album, because oh my gawd, that is, like, SO uncool.
just a tip; i used to be a hipster like you, and then i grew up, and started enjoying my life and being nice to people...trying to make the world a nicer place to live in. i wasn't being an obnoxious drunk, i was dancing, and i was not aware that i was annoying you until you pushed me. the next time, how about being courteous and just saying 'excuse me, could you stop bumping into me, it's annoying.' that's all you have to do, it's a common courtesy that i'm pretty sure my two year old could figure out....instead of pushing me, like you're some spoiled rotten child with a dirty diaper.

seriously though, you should really be careful who you push around when you're at a show like that, because if my husband would have been there with me, he would have seriously hurt you.

cutest little love song

2009-08-04T15:27:00.001-04:00

this is darn near the cutest little love song i've ever heard...

In Spite Of Ourselves - John Prine

summer stories

2009-08-03T16:04:00.005-04:00

oh my poor neglected blog. dear thing.
many stories to tell, but not many committed to memory enough to type out. we've been in TN for weeks, and just returned a few days ago. i feel like i had a visit to another planet. a lovely, lush, but stress filled planet. so much sadness surrounded by so much hot and humid beauty. i've found myself, on returning, listening to a lot of slide guitar and lynard skynard ('..play me a song curtis low, curtis low, i got your drinkin' money, tune up your dobro..') good thing the weather in MA is almost as hot and sticky as TN was, the lifestyle re adjustment was easier.

my family. where do i begin. just insanity. i love them all dearly, so dearly, but i don't know what to do to help them in any way.

i can't write about anything. just wanted to post something to keep my blog from dying.

random thoughts from tennessee:

-humid air like molasses on a hot biscuit
-aplaca farms on the tops of hills
-stella artois at the walmart
-defeated creek beach and swimming in the cumberland
(still slightly scared of being pulled under by a giant catfish)
-fried catfish at helen's
-charred shine the color of light maple syrup, but with more kick
-sheep herding pyrenees laying in the middle of the road and harassing cars
-sweet sugary summer cantaloupe
-tomatoes and biscuits for breakfast
-drunk singin' with my sweet lovely man on lloyd's front porch
-deer everywhere
-cows everywhere
-prison visit with my little bro in the cotton fields
-crawfish sushi on the way home from jackson
-bugs, bugs and bugs...so many biting bugs
-taking my toddler the roberts honky tonk down on lower broad...got so drunk there one night i let the steel player take me home
-seeing nashville become the city it has always wanted to be
-bought some moccasins in VA off the blue ridge parkway
-the kudzu almost pulled me in and kept me
-that drawl...that southern sound that creeps into my mouth two days after i drop down beneath the mason dixon line and gets thicker and thicker with every sip of beer i drink...that drawl that made me crazy when i was an idiot teenager, but these days makes me close my eyes and just fall in love again...

Pretty Saro - Iris DeMent

itchin' for a road trip

2009-07-08T17:21:00.001-04:00

Country Caravan - Blitzen Trapper

mama shell, toddler shell

2009-06-29T21:04:00.000-04:00

happy little things

2009-06-23T15:42:00.005-04:00

fresh picked strawbellies

little new tomatoes from my stoop

seashells by the seashore

when all is said and done...

2009-06-22T09:45:00.004-04:00

hubby is still out of work, unemployment checks haven't started and our insurance has lapsed. to most, this would seem a nightmare, but we've had some really great days lately that have made me step back and take stock of what i 'really' have. days that have inspired me, days that have blown me over with their beauty and days that have made me say, 'you know what, i really am better than this'.
these days have also made me have another thought, possibly more sinister. it's no secret that i don't have friendly feelings toward my husband's old boss. my husband has taken it in stride, bygones be bygones, no hard feelings, all that sort of thing. but i feel that my husband was wronged, and i feel that his boss knows it, and i feel it was intentional. i know that jealousy played a huge part of it, even if his boss was unaware of his own feelings. and on my better days, my most beautiful days, i think to myself..you will never have this. when all is said and done, you know you will never have what we have, and you hate us for it. even if you were out in this strawberry field with us, you wouldn't have what we have. mentally, you are no where near us. you can't allow that sort of happiness to seep into your conscience. and it eats you alive.

when all is said and done, it's about family and friends. it's not about jobs, it's not about money, it's NOT 'just business'. it is your heart that you live with, and your heart that you die with. it can destroy you or it can make you a better person, that's up to you.

this is me, letting go of you. and wishing you the best. wishing you the changes that you need and so desperately want. mentally, and in your heart.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
freedom.

addendum:
some may find this post cold, or maybe too personal to be speaking of someone who was "just my husband's boss"...but the thing is, he wasn't just his boss, he was a close friend of ours, his wife was my husband's first cousin. i felt deeply for these people, and i am deeply saddened for this loss of friendship with them. but, it is abundantly clear that 'business' comes before family or friendship for them, and i honestly hope they eventually work this out in their own hearts.

all these little things

2009-06-15T19:09:00.008-04:00

for two months now, i've been, 'out of sorts'. that's what i keep calling it. pretty sure it's a mixture of stress from now being an unemployed family and a change in birth control (fucking with my hormones, not my idea of cool).
one thing is sure, i feel like crap. and i've become mean. like leroy brown mean.
like cruella deville mean. and i've gained weight, only a few pounds, but enough to make my size 12's stretch tragically close to a size 14. (and they should be size 8's in the first place).
if therapy has taught me anything, it's that when you don't take care of yourself first, the people you love the most suffer the most. and my people's are suffering.
it's time for (yet another) change.
i have no delusions of grandeur that this will be the time that sticks. who knows. i'm positive, but i know myself (thanks therapy). so, i will say, yes, i'm going to change. and know full well, i might have to cut and paste this post to another day a few months from now.
we'll see. one this is for sure, it's not going to hurt me to try. in fact, i'm hoping just the opposite.

lighter news...
had a beautiful, relaxing time in provincetown this past weekend. realized that life really is good when you are surrounded by wonderful friends and wonderful beaches :-).
my poor toddler, bless his heart, he had a rough time of it this weekend. we learned last summer, after a silly trip to the emergency room in a suburb of chicago, that he was allergic to mosquitoes. he gets huge knots wherever they bite him...i'm talking HUGE. no one believed us. we would tell tales of his bites, and they would say things like, 'oh yeah, i'm allergic too' (and we would look at them and think, um, no, you aren't, not like this).
but this time, we have photographic evidence. he gets what is off offhandedly known as "skeeter syndrome".
this was day two of the bite. they don't swell until a day after he gets the bite.

this was today. his eye was swollen shut when he woke up. nothing to do but dose him with benedryl.

breaks my heart

2009-05-26T17:31:00.002-04:00

today california once again voted to continue the ban on gay marriage and uphold prop 8.
there is so much sadness in this world, are there any real reasons why we should strive to create more of it based simply on personal or cultural religious reasons?
it is assumed that in the united states you can not outlaw something based on religious reasons alone...but when the arguments against gay marriage arise, there are no arguments that i can see that aren't somehow based on a religious belief. how does this make the united states any different from other countries that do create laws based solely for religious reasons??
honestly, i could talk politics all day long about this subject, but when it comes right down to it, the gay marriage ban just breaks my heart. it breaks my heart for some of my closest friends who are so very much in love and can't, like everyone else, make it "legal". basically each state against the legalization of gay marriage is saying to them, "you can have your civil unions, but you can't have the word 'marriage', that's reserved for us heterosexuals, who 'really' love each other and aren't sinners or 'abnormal'."
you know it wasn't that long ago that it was illegal for a caucasian and an african american to marry as well.
really? on the issue of marriage equality, have we just stopped evolving?

i did it my way

2009-05-20T19:58:00.002-04:00

let's assess the situation...
today i spent most of the morning at the playground (i have a toddler, i'm not a weirdo).
i took a two hour nap in the middle of the day.
i walked to the corner store and bought two scratch tickets (and broke even).
i printed out applications for food stamps.
i posted, like, fifteen links on facebook.
i knitted another portion of my homemade wedding gift for a friend.

lady of leisure? maybe. scared of becoming homeless? possibly.
desperately needing some direction? absolutely.

Hallelujah, Im a Bum - Al Jolson

mbta woes

2009-05-15T19:31:00.002-04:00

i was all set to post a whiny rant about the mass bay transportation authority, they've been pissing me off for a while now (say, since i've lived here)...and today, our ride on the subway sucked, to say the least. (stalled at MGH, 10 minutes, stalled at kendall, 10 min, stalled at central, 15 min...got off with toddler and walked to harvard square, 20 min walk in beating sun...tried to catch shuttle to davis square since train service was suspended, it was full, waited for another, 25 min...went back into tunnel to get out of sun, train finally back up and running....15 minute train ride turned into an hour and half ordeal with a very tired toddler..who was a trooper, god bless him).

it was a perfectly beautiful day today. the toddler and i went downtown to boston common to hang out with some super cool friends and rode the carousel, played at the frog pond playground, had a picnic lunch under a big shady tree, chased some squirrels...it was all peachy and wonderfully cheap entertainment. then, there was the train ride home (as mentioned above), ugh, i was 'irritable' when i finally arrived home, to say the least.

then i read the reason why the train was stalled, and i thought, my life is pretty damn good. i'm alive, and that counts for more than i often realize.

this is how we deal

2009-05-01T19:22:00.004-04:00

my husband is in the kitchen making food. before he became the lone breadwinner, he cooked, all the time. then we antiquated our gender roles and he brought home the bacon so i could fry it up in a pan, so to speak. we'll see how it goes this time around.
he's listening to townes van zandt. quite possibly, the saddest music in the world. you see, that's what he does, to deal with the hard times. he listens to indescribably sad music. me, i use serious distraction techniques. when my first marriage was dissolving, i think i probably read close to 30 books in a six month period (many of them about whaling or artic exploration, not sure why) . even before ernie lost his job, we were stressed about money and my distraction was knitting. i like knitting, and i've been knitting so much that my left wrist is swollen. so, i think i'm going to go back to reading. which i've not really done since harlan was born. i know, i was totally one of those intellectual types who was all like, 'i'm not going to let some silly kid change my life'...blah blah blah. i can barely finish an article in people magazine, much less finish a goddamn novel.
for me, there's mcsweeny's. oh, how i love mcsweeny's...let me count the ways.
for example...my head aches today, and i'm still terrified of the future...but, this cracked me up.
SCRABBLE LETTERS EXPLAIN HOW THEY ARE COPING IN THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN.
BY KATE HAHN

also on topic, and hilarious;
CLASSIC NURSERY RHYMES, UPDATED AND REVAMPED FOR THE RECESSION, AS TOLD TO ME BY
MY FATHER. BY JEN STATSKY

settling in

2009-04-29T20:30:00.004-04:00

a few days out from the job loss. fear has completely settled into our bones. we weren't rich before, but now, now we are almost without options. we are both creative, yes, but we are both "self educated"...our lives never afforded us the opportunity for a college education. as we got older, it was one of those things we always put off doing. and then when hubby found this job, he built himself a place with this company, and he was making a pretty good living. we have a nice car, we have a nice place to live, a yard, a dog, nice clothes. then we had harlan, we felt stable. things became seriously 'adult'. deep inside, we knew we were just fooling ourselves, we knew that our future was completely tied to the moods of his boss, and his whims...it kept us up some nights, but we let it go.
still, a person makes their own decisions. and our decision was to leave ourselves open, without options and to get nice and cuddly into a very unstable situation.
and here we are. in full on freak out mode. i feel like i've been hit by a truck. in my youth, i would have seen this as an opportunity, a wonderful freedom that was plopped in my lap. but not now. not with a family. i am terrified. harlan is coming up on pre school age, and i have these horrible childhood memories of moving 4 times before i was age 7 (my dad was a plumber, there were always layoffs). it's not fun for a kid, and they DO remember.

i'm trying desperately to stay positive, but every time my mind wanders, i feel the tears in my throat. just doing quick searches for employment on craigslist for different cities turns up nothing for someone with no college education...not anything that will support us. we need healthcare, we need a substantial salary, and we need an apartment that will accept dogs.
peaches, right?

i'm going to stop writing now.

possibility

2009-04-29T15:23:00.002-04:00

possible cities to live in:

portland oregon
omaha nebraska
raleigh-durham, north carolina
st.paul minnesota
san antonio texas
austin texas

alright, anyone have any advice?

inevitable

2009-04-28T21:18:00.003-04:00

haven't been blogging in a bit. i've grown a little tired of reading what i'm writing, and some days it's all i can do just to come up with a facebook status update. (oh, woe is me, right?)
today, started ok. the weather was supposed to be nice and hot. very hot for this time of year. i had to do some errands in medford square, and hubby took the car so i rallied harlan together and we shuffled down to the bus stop. when we got to our stop, i noticed that the place we were going was closed until may 2nd (small toy store, but still, who does business like that any more?). i called hubby. no answer. called him again on his work phone, and his boss answered...strange...'is ernie there?'..no answer..."hello???"...still no answer, then click. they hung up.
again, strange. but i didn't think anything of it until i got two missed messages on my cell phone from "home"...my home, the one no one was supposed to be at.
crap. my stomach sank.
i knew immediately what had happened. but i hoped for the best.
i called home. hubby answered. 'hey, what are you doing home?'. hard swallow.
'just lost my job'...'i just don't know what we're going to do'.
crap, again.

we sort of knew it was coming...it was abrupt, still. but so it goes. people are bizarre and they have their ways. i know his boss reads my blog, so i won't give him the satisfaction of any further comments.

i told hubby to come down and meet up for pizza. (what else was there to do, right, i mean, it was absolutely balmy and beautiful outside) the both of us were still in shock. the fact that the loss of a job can be such a huge blow is something i've never been able to get used to. it's always bothered me intensely, even if i hated the job. i just didn't like the idea of 'failing' at anything. now, with a child, and a dog, and car payment, and lots of medical expenses...it's even more daunting. there's unemployment, but we live in the greater boston area, unemployment won't even be a drop in the bucket for us. i've always wanted to leave this area...but recently, i've made some really good friends here, and i was beginning to get used to (somewhat) the idea of maybe sticking around a bit longer. but, now. now, we must re think things.

i keep telling myself all the things i have to be thankful for. we're better off than most. right now, anyway. still, the pit in my stomach is there. fear (mixed with anger)...instability, and uncertainty. wondering when we'll be able to 'settle'...if ever.

stay positive. what else is there to do, right?

home again, home again, hippity hop, hippity hop

2009-04-13T15:37:00.000-04:00

insanity

2009-04-02T09:00:00.002-04:00

einstein's definition of insanity was this:
doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

as previously mentioned, i'm on the weight loss wagon. an old, well worn wagon, on a long, bumpy, bitchy road, that usually ends with me laying in the mud, wondering why all of my clothes are a size 8 but i actually wear a size 12. it's a road most women throughout their lives are on. we gain, we lose, we gain, we lose. some of us get it together, but most of us fuel the weight loss industry with fervor and every last bit of our money and good sense goes right out the window.

at this point in my life, if i were healthy, and i had the financial means to buy great, new clothes in a size 12...i don't know if would ever lose weight. i like my round figure, even if it is out of fashion. but, here's the thing; i have no energy. my toddler watches way too much television because of my low energy. my bones seem to ache, and not from age, just from sedentary living and bad eating habits. and, i AM aging. i feel it, every day. i don't care what size i am, i just want to feel better.

so, i'm trying something different this time. slowly, diligently, one thing at a time. for the past 3 weeks, i've been working out, 20 minutes a day. no diet. i missed three days toward the end, but i'm back on track now. today, i start an eating plan. not a diet, but a way i would like to eat, from now on.
to boost me into this, i'm giving weight watchers one week of my time. and i'm going to follow it diligently.
here's the thing about weight watchers. i don't like the program. throughout my life, i've known SO many women on WW and here's the pattern...they go on, they lose a ton of weight, they go off, they gain it back, etc. i've seen WW in all of it's many incarnations. i know, it does seem to be a pattern with people no matter what program they're on. don't blame the program, right? but, honestly, i know the points system is meant to teach a way of eating and not to be a rule, but it's tedious, and i don't think it's meant for "happy" living. so, i'm not "joining" weight watchers, but for one week, i need a log, i NEED to be tedious about my eating. (and they do a one week free trial, bonus!)
**i am, by no means, mocking anyone on the WW program. people do what they need to do to make things work within themselves. and if it works for some, they should stick with what works.**

well. after that rant, i'm off to make sure my toddler isn't puking on the furniture...ahh, the joys of a stomach virus. there's at least one person in this house losing weight.

and now, a song i've recently fallen totally in love with:

Furr - Blitzen Trapper

fear leaving the body...day 12 of jillian michael's 30 day shred

2009-03-22T07:55:00.003-04:00

here's the thing about doing the same 20 minute workout every day for 10 days (now on day 12)...it is goddamn boring. it's short term, yes, but during this short term, it's getting tedious (actually, it was tedious 6 days ago).
it's a solid workout, a good workout. tried and true favorites like crunches, squats, push ups, jumping jacks...nothing fancy, nothing fashionable. you feel it in the end, and for days after. and jillian michaels? yeah, she's annoying, and not necessarily the most attractive bird to look at (in fact, i'm realizing more and more how much she looks like a tiny man)...but she's motivating, and i take comfort in the fact that she used to be a fatty.
no weight loss to speak of, but my pants are beginning to not fit in odd places. no diet change, so wasn't really expecting a weight loss, but sticking to the same workout, day in and day out...it's a job. comparable, i would say, to having a job sorting rubber rings, or inspecting bread in a can.

even more fascinating than doing the workout is writing about it. so, maybe this won't be a weight loss blog. because you know what, they suck. and i don't know if i have the literary where-with-all to make it interesting.

ttfn.
off we go.

kissing the lipless

2009-03-11T08:47:00.002-04:00

here i am, it was bound to happen. i knew eventually i would stop prattling on about nothing and this blog would become yet another "weight loss" blog. i'm giving up.
and turning over a new leaf. or something like that. i would love to be the flippant, too cool to work out, too cool to talk about it, type...i'd love to drink all night long, eat fried food and still look good in my size eights (oh, to be 23 again)...but i'm not. i'm getting old, i need boundaries, i need regiments, i need to document.

i had a baby, i'm in my thirties, i'm 35 pounds overweight. i love my curves, so don't be hatin', but i don't have the money to buy a new wardrobe, so i have to work it out.
or, work it off. i've enlisted the help of a close friend. she's acting as my 'life coach' of sorts. she's good at this sort of thing, and our brains seem to work in similar patterns. she's an organized motivator, and not in a pushy, martha stewart sort of way, but more like 'this is me, this is how i roll, take it or leave it'.

first goal. no weight loss. in 20 days, i work out for 20 minutes a day (i chose to use the jillian michael's 30 day shred work out, because i tried it before, and i liked it). if weight loss comes, it comes, but that's not my goal for the next few weeks. i'm working on simple perseverance. strengthening of will.
she's also set up daily goals for me to meet, which she emails to me daily. it's day two, and my goal for the day was every time the clock hits :20, i have to get up and dance for one minute, no matter where i am. i have to do this 10 times...so, i can skip dancing if i'm driving in my car, etc.
at first i thought...goofy? but i love to dance, and soon realized the most fun for me would be had by picking out which songs i was going to put on while i danced. the strange stares from my toddler make it a bit harder (he seems to know somethings up).
but, still, i've finished two 'dance sessions' already, and i'm excited. i've even found it hard to stop dancing when the minute is up, i feel like i have to finish the song out. (and yeah, there will be some gwen stefani coming out of my speakers today, maybe even some fergie..'wanta go down like london, london, london'..hehe)
it also makes me really want to go out dancing at zuzu's soulalujah again, because honestly, how bad can life be when you're dancing with wild abandon to soul music from the 60's.

here we go...

another show, another dollar

2009-03-10T16:30:00.002-04:00

need to see more live music...
elvis perkins in dearland
april 22, brattle theater, 9pm, 15$
any takers?

While You Were Sleeping - Elvis Perkins

just lovely.

my life as a series of facebook status updates

2009-03-04T13:10:00.003-05:00

April Watkins-Doeg....

...needs a new travel mug.
* i really do, it thoroughly annoyed me this morning while taking my husband to work, that there was a giant, wonderful, fresh pot of coffee on our counter that i didn't have time to drink nor did i have anything 'mobile' to put it in to take with me. solution; i stopped at dunkin donuts, where the coffee was so gd hot that i couldn't drink it until i got home. ironic, yes. irritating, double yes.

...just might clean her house.
* i did, i cleaned my house so i wouldn't look like a completely inept housemum to the rest of my mom friends when i hosted the weekly stitch and bitch. i really really cleaned the three rooms of my house that everyone would see, the rest, well, not clean so much.

...is once again super pissed about the snow and poop in her backyard.
* yep, even after a HUGE fight with the hubs over cleaning up the massive amount of poop in the back yard before it snows because our precious child can not play in the snow in his own backyard for fear of "poop smear"...our yard, was once again covered in poop during the early spring snowstorm this past week. i feel like a lazy, white trash troll.

...is drowning her winter blahs in contruction paper daisy chains.
* the snow is lovely, but i'm more than ready for it to go away. i think the real bitter pill to swallow with this week's snowstorm was the day before it snowed, it was 50 degrees outside and we were at the playground in our jackets as if spring was actually here. oh, winter you butterfaced bitch. i'm pretty sure even my two year old is sick of the snow at this point. needless to say, the only decoration besides balloons as harlan's 2 year birthday party this saturday will be lots of construction paper daisy chains forged out of absolute boredom.

i love facebook. it's always there for me when i need some serious self love. i do wish i were a bit less addicted, but hey, everyone has a few vices, right?

things i miss

2009-02-27T14:30:00.002-05:00

i miss my skinny jeans...i miss dancing at zuzu's soulelujah...i miss my wild abandon...i miss my friends that have moved away...i miss bbq's in the back yard...i miss montreal...i miss what my shoulders feel like without this weight on them...i miss the freckles that have faded for wrinkles...i miss sitting on the back porch...i miss napping in the grass in union square park...i miss flip flops...i miss tank tops and what my arms used to look like...i miss the tennessee heat and humidity...i miss dragon park...i miss roaming through record stores aimlessly...i miss bubble.pop.electric...i miss road trips...i miss robbie's dad's penthouse...i miss coney island...i miss warm sand...i miss a good bagel...i miss a lot.

many of these things will be back, i'll see them again...but some...they'll never be back. i've noticed lately i've been searching for new things to replace them. i feel downtrodden but fortunate.

i'm putting a lot of faith in this summer.
something as simple as not having to feel a chill when i walk outside may be enough to cure me.

don't dare be hatin', i really like this song, i really do.

Crack A Bottle - Eminem, Dr. Dre, 50 Cent

i still kinda love you zach condon

2009-02-20T14:30:00.003-05:00

new beirut album!!! double cd!! two totally different sounds, two totally different albums. muy bueno!!

Beirut - March of the Zapotec and Realpeople Holland

can the swedes get any more adorable??

2009-02-13T14:43:00.002-05:00

the powerful innocence in their voices almost rips my heart out. not to mention it's just a great fleet foxes song to begin with. i love the swedish.

norway's finest

2009-02-11T15:37:00.001-05:00

a fairly straight forward cover, but it's by one of my favorite indie guys (ac newman or new pornographers fame) and it makes me happy, none the less.

AC Newman - Take On Me.mp3 -

didn't i just blog?

2009-02-11T14:15:00.002-05:00

things i've been doing instead of blogging

1. knitting my balls off: christmas time was a marathon knitting month for me, and after that i decided that i would actually like to start taking it seriously and knitting more than scarves and hats. i've learned lots of new skills and even accomplished writing out my first pattern. when i think of all there is to learn, i still get overwhelmed, but will approach it with zen...when you know all there is to know about everything, there's no longer reason to live.
2. tickling the living daylights out of my two year old: never did i imagine that i would spend almost fully half of my days in tickle fights with a toddler.
3. alternately freaking out about the economy and not caring about the economy: i'm really sick of hearing about it, especially since i live in a city where when people go on a budget it means they may have to buy their bugaboo stroller used and their teenagers may have to settle for a crappy lexus instead of a bmw for their sweet 16.
4. consuming way too much caffeine
5. facebook : i hate you! (just kidding, you know i love you baby)
6. continuing to be disgusted by nip/tuck and not being able to stop watching it.
7. drinking the shit out of some mich ultra amber (my new diet drink)
8. thinking the media should leave michael phelps alone and get the fuck over it.
9. thinking the media should leave christian bale alone and get the fuck over it.
10. continuing to be super happy i voted for obama and disliking most republicans.

add to that a copious amount of toddler playdates; being sick, being healthy, being sick again (and again); boohoo-ing about my ever growing ass; complaining about the winter and wishing for spring; sex with the hubs; obsessing over japan; crushing on jon stewart; lots of laying around in my pajamas; listening to that fleet foxes album over and over again; and constantly searching for that pot at the end of the rainbow when it's right in front my face.

obama!

2009-01-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

who says he doesn't show any emotion???

oh snow and boredom

2009-01-18T12:22:00.003-05:00

don't feel like posting. here's a song.

Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? - She and Him

i don't care much for zooey deschanel as an actress. honestly, i think her eyes are dead on screen and she annoys the hell out of me. BUT, as an indie rock darling, she's cute, and her voice is cute, and her pop songs are good, and i like her.
like this song, feels like summer, and the beach. and i miss being warm.

i resolve...

2009-01-02T20:52:00.002-05:00

i typed in the words 'i resolve' to google and here are some of my favorites:

"Be more tolerant of climate change naysayers" - i'm assuming this one was written by a weatherman. or maybe al gore.
"Clip my toenails once a month, whether they need it or not" - resolutions about simple hygiene make me wonder about the social norms inside this persons head.
"To Make Resolutions for Those Who Especially Need Them" - wow. i could go on and on about the ethics of this, but it sounds like too much fun. just may be my next post.
"to stop being a phoney and typing “LOL” when I didn’t really “laugh out loud”" - thank you. i knew you weren't laughing out loud.
"to visit taco trucks" - ok then.
"I resolve to give up all candy for the year 2009" - why would you set yourself up for failure??
"not make any more new years resolutions"- yeah, real original there cranky pants, just because you can't keep yours, don't disparage the rest of us.

i do not resolve...

2009-01-02T09:41:00.003-05:00

every year i make resolutions, and like most, i don't really bother to keep them, usually. but, the ritual of making resolutions (just like my absolute love of making lists) is extremely satisfying. so, every year, i diligently make my list, and i diligently break my list in a few months. my faithful standbys; lose weight, get healthy, live for the day, stop wasting time, read more, create more, speak french. this year, i say every year, this year will be different. but it never is, as is human nature. predictably irrational.

without further ado, my list of resolutions for 2009. things i will NOT do, instead of things i will do. who knows, maybe this will be my year.

1. i will continue to not wear crocs.
2. i will not drink my daily calorie intake in one sitting every evening.
3. i will not continue to worry about my weight.
4. i will not knit another wash cloth or scarf. (so over it)
5. i will not spend a hundred dollars (or more) during every trip to ikea.
6. i will not throw out twenty dollars worth of groceries every week.
7. i will not let the economic downturn and our horrible financial situation consume me.
8. i will not spend 2-3 combined hours on facebook every day. (yeah, i know)
9. i will not say 'retarded' to describe everything. (blagh)
10. i will not take for granted my husband, my child or my lot in life.

i can handle this.
resolutions, i got it.

best hot chocolate ever

2008-12-19T13:48:00.002-05:00

2 tbsp ghiradelli double chocolate powder
1/2 tbsp dagoba xocolatl hot chocolate mix
1 shot of kahlua (or more to taste)
12 oz milk
big ass mug

pour kahlua into bottom of mug. heat milk, mix in chocolate powder, stir. when warm enough, pour in glass. drink. melt. yum.

not cool virus, not cool

2008-12-17T10:42:00.002-05:00

i've had a cold since thursday of last week. it seems to, just today, have morphed into something nastier than i thought it was. i feel worse today, than i did the day before, if that's possible. could i have caught two strains of the cold virus at once?
with as many children as i'm exposed to, i wouldn't be surprised. children are nasty little germ carrying pods, with constantly runny noses and stinky bums (and i include my own in that group). there also seems to be a bit more stress this time of year than usual (what with christmas crowds, the dying economy, and random scam artists stealing millions upon millions of everyone's money...no, not the american auto industry, that other guy)...so, i'm sure we're all less 'immune' than we would normally be to all the ick that's out there.

add to my failing immune system, the fact that there's a lovely 'wintry' mix outside right now. to all of you not fortunatate enough to live in the northeast, a 'wintry' mix is not a cool mix cd made for you by an old boyfriend. it's an irritating mix of ice, snow, and rain combined with bitter cold and bad attitude. also add in my toddler who is in the wicked evil mood today, which i just realized last night, is due to some serious teething (always with the teething, man will i be happy when this kid gets all his goddamn teeth in). it's mostly the television that keeps him calm...it's the strangest thing. this morning alone, we've read books, eaten breakfast, and finger/water/brush painted some christmas cards. that all took about a half hour, and it was full of whining and tantrums and crankiness (and harlan wasn't too happy either..ba da bumbum). so, now he's plopped down in front of the television like i cute little zombie (don't worry, i'm not the worst mother, i only let him watch pbs).
i figure we'll go back and forth between television, tantrums, crafts and eating today. if i can last until nap time, we'll be stellar.

breathe in, breathe out.
in other news, here's my new favorite band:
fleet foxes

White Winter Hymnal from Grandchildren on Vimeo.

maroon 5 gets hipster recognition

2008-12-10T13:19:00.004-05:00

finally!!!
i have few vices in music. i consider myself fairly well versed in the world of popular music, and even since harlan has been born, i try desperately to keep on the up and up with 'what's goin' on'.
i wouldn't call myself a hipster, by no definition of the world, but i like good music, and i usually don't listen to radio play crap. i will give credit where credit is due, but you will never see me buy a beyonce album, britney, or the like. (although, there was one month a few years ago when ALL i would listen to was that gwen stefani album with holla back girl, i love her). that being said, i have always had a secret love of maroon 5. i love adam levine's whiny r&b voice, i love the pop hooks, i love the uber over the top fashionista videos...i could go on and on.
they were always one of those bands that i would never dare buy an album by, for fear i would realize that they were kind of mediocre. i would never talk about their music around my peers, for fear i would come across as a bore, or worse, someone with boring musical tastes. i would, however, always turn the radio up really loud whenever one of their songs came on as i flipped radio stations in my car...when i was alone.

and then, like a light from heaven, i open up my pitchfork, and i see this article about the new maroon 5 album:

"A new remix album, Call and Response, has re-workings of Maroon 5 tracks by Of Montreal, Cool Kids, Cut Copy, and Deerhoof, in addition to contributions from more prominent remixes like DJ Premier, Pharrell, and Mark Ronson. The record is out this week, and the whole thing is streaming now over at Maroon 5's MySpace."

oh. my. god.
the recognition i needed to openly listen to, and talk about, maroon 5 amongst my peers.
the of montreal track is awesome and the deerhoof track is great as well. and all of the other tracks just pick up on the fact that their songs are so damn catchy and his voice is super schmaltz.
LOVE IT.

must have it.

this track rocks it:
Little of Your Time (of Montreal) - Maroon 5

Top 3 Vendors @ the Boston Bazaar Bizarre

2008-12-07T13:16:00.005-05:00

here are my top three vendors at the boston bazaar bizarre, after a very quick run through all of the 148 vendors (phew!!), with my special, super duper early bird tickets that allowed me to look at everything leisurely without crowds of crazy hipsters elbowing me in my ribs. to pick a top three is super hard, the artisans were spot on and wonderful this year. kudos bazaar bizarre, you rocked!

#1...nervous system (jewelry)
from the site: "Nervous System creates experimental jewelry, combining nontraditional materials like silicone rubber and stainless steel with rapid prototyping methods. We find inspiration in complex patterns generated by computation and nature."
i am IN LOVE with this jewelry line. i want all of the pieces to have and wear. my verbal interaction with the guy that creates these pieces was funny though. he was trying so hard to put into laymen terms what the pieces actually represented so my (obviously) tiny brain would be able to understand. i almost wanted say to him, 'i love your jewelry, you don't have to humor me, i don't need to understand, it's ok'.
i'm sure he had this conversation many times before the day ended.

#2...bunny butt apothecary
i don't wear perfume. i just can't stand the way most perfumes smell, even expensive designer stuff. it all usually makes me nauseous. but, it is always wonderful to smell nice, and i never feel like i have enough yummy smelling lotions. this vendor had so many nice smelling things, i was in sensory overload. i ended up, very thriftily, only buying the masala chai hand cream. but, i could have dropped a ben on all of their tasty smelling goodies. think stocking stuffers people, i know you can't smell the stuff on line, but trust me, it's all good.

#3...tie between:
jenine handmade glass bobbles
all handmade glass jewelry. i'm usually not so into the glass stuff, although it is all beautiful to look at, some of it can come off hokey when worn. i think she does a good job at keeping it classy, but still fun. especially a fan of the pyrex chains she makes.

and
olaria studio
more wonderful jewelry. ceramic and interesting. uses found objects for the textures. go take a look.

ALL of the vendors were great, depending on what you were into. there was beautiful hand spun wool, lovely little knit things, the hippest handmade toys and dolls, countless hand printed or hand stamped art pieces, silk screen tshirts around every corner, so many wonderful things, so little money i had. goddamn you recession!!

of course, if you don't believe me, check out all of the amazing vendors here!!

if only i could be so motivated. back to my humble knitting.

smiling through the rain, laughing at the pain...

2008-11-26T12:28:00.003-05:00

(or, how i learned to stop worrying and love the classic rock)

last night, my weekly stitch and bitch. for those of you not in the fiber arts know, it's a night when a bunch of women (or men, we don't play gender favorites here...but my group is mostly mammas) get together and knit, or crochet, drink wine and talk about politics, our husbands, how horrible our kids are, and the what have you.
so, we're all mouthing off about this and that. thanksgiving sucks, cooking sucks, my husband never helps out around the house, my mother in law sucks, my toddler's a psycho, i wish i had a butt like yours, no i wish i had yours, and the like, etc. etc.
until near the end, one of the mammas starts telling a horrible, horrible story about how she's now up on assault and battery charges because her neighbor (who has been harassing her for over a year) claims she slammed a door in her face. it was a long story, with each detail being worse than the previous, ending with the fact that she now has to put up a ton of money to find a lawyer that would defend her in court the day after thanksgiving. the day after thanksgiving, that's right. everyone gasped, and groaned and while commiserating was secretly thankful we weren't in her shoes.
as we all stood up to leave, our hostess apologized for having to cancel as hostess for last weeks s&b...we all knew she had some sort of family thing to take care of, so we didn't really think much about it. then someone asked, almost out the door, "so, i hope everything is ok with your family?"
and then she says....
"well, not really. my mom and neice were in a car accident."
group: oh my god, what happened?
her: they were hit by a drunk driver.
group: gasp. is everyone ok?
her: well sort of, my mom is ok, but my neice is paralyzed.
group: more gasps. do they know if it's permanent?
her: no, there's swelling and they can't tell anything right now. it's really awful, because she's only 24 years old.
group: omg. gasps.
her: and she has two kids, ages 2 and 4.
group: OMG...gasps groan shaking heads hands over mouths.
her: AND her husband is going to iraq in a few weeks.
group: (in their heads, while hearts simultaneously break) WTF?! jesus barb, why didn't you mention this earlier??!!

and out the door we went, back to our little lives, knowing this could happen to any one of us on the way home.

and we all felt better about our passive aggressive mother in laws, and our insane thanksgiving menus, and our toddlers who we really adore, and our husbands who we also really adore, and our mounting bills that need to be paid, and the crappy economy and politics, and being able to sit and happily knit and drink wine with friends.

i think humans, by nature, need to complain and vent frustrations, no matter how small or large, and i honestly don't think we should feel guilty about it...even to the point of whining at times. but when all is said and done, it is good to sit back and realize that just as things can always be better, they can also always be much worse.

food is food is food

2008-11-24T10:11:00.002-05:00

thanksgiving dinner menu (or, a lesson in futility)

app: baked feta hummus and pita
main: maple brined roast turkey
sides: fried green beans, maple glazed sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, cornbread stuffing, mashed potatoes w/ goat cheese and chives
dessert: whatever is brought

it's all about the food really. even though we live less than an hour from the site of the first thanksgiving, it's still about the food.
but, for posterity, and in the spirit of all things hokey, here is a list of some things i'm thankful for this year. annotated, and in no order.
* i am thankful that my son can now communicate on a level that involves more than a few grunts and some screams (although he still employs those techniques on occasion).
* i am thankful that my husband puts up with my lazy and sometimes irresponsible view of motherhood.
* i am thankful that the election is over and the outcome was personally favorable. yes, it's naive and short sighted for me to have such a sense of calm and i don't necessarily blame only bush for the last 8 years, america as a whole made their bed to lay in, but calm is what i feel, just the same. america, it's time to get our shit together!
* i am thankful to live in the united states, regardless. (although, trying my hand as an ex patriot in sweden or paris for a few years might not suck so much)
* i am thankful for my home. even though i do not own property and have no savings, i am thankful to have a roof over my head and not a bad mortgage.
* i am thankful to be able to stay home with my son all day, every day. i have a deep respect for working moms, but i cherish my days full of cuddling and diaper changing. even though, in our current economy, i'm sure those days are numbered.
* i am thankful for another year of relative sanity and decent health.
* of course, there are all of the things most of us are thankful for, that i never, ever take for granted and wake up every day knowing how great things are in my life, even when i feel like they're not so great: my family, my family's good health, my amazing husband, breathing in and breathing out, blue skies, gray skies, warm bed, baby cuddles and kisses, etc, etc, etc...and lastly, but not leastly, plentiful amounts of amazing food. whatever, whenever i want it.

like a southbound train

2008-11-20T14:43:00.002-05:00

to all my family and friends in tennessee, i miss you already.
and to little bro nigel, hang in there, we love you.
Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show

president barack hussein obama

2008-11-05T00:46:00.000-05:00

fuck yeah america!! fuck yeah.

subliminal

2008-11-03T15:46:00.001-05:00

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second, third carvings

2008-10-27T23:50:00.002-04:00

carvings no.2 and no.3

don't worry, i'll be voting.

2008-10-27T21:14:00.000-04:00

random smattering

2008-10-27T14:08:00.004-04:00

my thoughts don't connect lately. come to think of it, they haven't connected properly since harlan was born. i know i'm not the only mom who has (or has ever had) this problem...but damn, it's annoying.

*halloween. harlan is afraid of his halloween costume. it was bound to happen, that i would birth a child who just didn't really 'care' for halloween.

to my chagrin, he picked out a goofy little dragon costume at kmart (that's what you get for taking him to kmart, loser). he loved it, he roared with it, he cuddled on his little thomas couch with it. then, when it came time to put it on him, he lost his tiny little toddler mind. it didn't help that the more he screamed, the more i laughed. i couldn't fathom someone being afraid of a goofy green dragon with a metalic green lamme tail. this is my thought; he loved this dragon, he put it in his stuffie house (tent) with all of his other stuffed animals, there it lived, happily among the stuffies, until one awful and tragic day, mama and papa came to take dragon away, disembowel the dragon and make harlan wear his skin. i can see how that would be disconcerting, if not traumatic. we may be a sheet ghost this year.
last night we carved pumpkins with friends. hubby and i were so excited to let harlan get all goopy with the pumpkin guts...kids love goop, right? no, harlan took one look at what we were doing, went "ew", and walked out of the room. he was not impressed with our carving prowess. we had cut up his pumpkin, and that was not cool. harlan's next offense will be hating candy. if that happens, i'm done. i'm buying him some khaki pants and a mccain/palin cap and calling it a day.

*boobs and playdates. this morning was a playdate at a lovely new yoga studio in somerville called 'moving celebrations'. the kids just ran amok, and laughed and danced, while harlan decided that things were too loud and chaotic, said 'let's go', and headed for the door. he then wanted to nurse, which is highly out of the ordinary, but i figured he was overwhelmed (and later learned he was getting a cold), so nurse him i did.
don't get me wrong, i've never been ashamed to nurse in public, even at harlan's ripe old age of 19 mos, especially in front of other moms...but i'm always surprised by some of the mom's reactions to it. it's not as if they're offended, but they act more awkward than anything. it's so ingrained in us, the repression of our bodies.
here's a tip for some moms; you can speak to me when i nurse my child, you don't have to look away, i know you're not checking out my boobs (and if you are, that's fine too, they're pretty nice). if you aren't nursing your child, that's ok, i'm not judging you, i promise. i assume that you made the best decision for you and your child, and that's fine. i breastfed my child, and will probably continue until he's well passed the age of two, it works for us, it's ok if you don't. i do wish more women were more knowledgeable about breastfeeding (and extended breastfeeding), but i'm not here to make you feel guilty about not breastfeeding your child (i'll leave that task to la leche league).

* hulahooping. a few years ago i bought a couple of miles worth of pvc tubing and made a friend a 'real' hulahoop (not one of those tiny little kiddie ones you buy at toysrus that NO ONE can use). i neglected, somehow, to make myself one. i'm putting it on my to do list (again).

* tennessee. in one week, we'll be driving the 22 hours down south to tennessee to see my family. i imagine road tripping with a 20 mos old will be just about as much fun as having a hot steel poker in your ear, but i'm full of optimism.

* on nov.4 i'm voting for obama and closing my eyes and hoping for the best. don't let me down america, you know what to do.

off to some planning. packing. to do list making and rummaging.

cheers.

first carving

2008-10-26T22:18:00.004-04:00

first carving of the season. (btw, pemberton farms has really great pumpkins but they're kind of a rip).

size 2, you're not so great really.

2008-10-25T20:56:00.002-04:00

more and more lately i've become obsessed with my weight. to help with my body image, i've been watching this lovely lady, a 'love your curves' kind of gal.
fuck being a size 2, i need more curves!!

taking it down a notch...

2008-10-17T18:29:00.003-04:00

ok, it's almost halloween, i don't have a costume...but i STILL love this commercial!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

AND frog.

dreary

2008-10-16T15:21:00.000-04:00

you've got to be fucking kidding me.

the world goes dancing...

2008-10-12T20:36:00.005-04:00

i'm sick of politics, i'm sick of hearing about how tanked our economy is and wondering if my family will have enough money to make it through the winter (hubby being in sales and all)...my stomach is in knots, my head hurts and honestly, i really don't want to think about it any longer. other than clip coupons, etc, etc, there's not really all that much i can do about it. it will be, what it will be.

so, this weekend, the lil' family and i went dancing. out into the streets (or sidewalks, rather) of davis square, somerville, mass. the third annual HONK! festival was saturday and it was lovely and amazing as ever. those not familiar with honk!, imagine if you can, a suburban fellini film, blend in a little down home marching band, some lousiana style horns and sauce, squish it all together and stuff it into a four block area and you have HONK!. davis square's minuscule answer to burning man.
it's family friendly and loud, and everyone dances in the street with abandon, even the cambridge liberal elite (heavens!). best thing about HONK!, it's free! all that music, all that fun, all those dancin' freaky deaky hippie types, for FREE!

i will say, if you bring a baby, bring him some earplugs. harlan was a little stunned. his parents are irresponsible (gasp!). but, after he got used to the crazy, he loved it. stilt walkers, fire eaters, fire tossers, hoola hoop girls, giant horn sections, carnivale dancers, bass drums and toms, crazy costumes and a parade. what more? what more?

so, thanks. thanks to all the little people who organized the festival this weekend. thanks for taking my mind off the reality that is my life and everyone else's. we needed the respite, can't wait for next year.

this footage gives a little bit of the feel of the music at the festival. this band happens to be from somerville (emperor nortons stationary marching band), but the bands were from all over. i'll be posting video as soon as i figure out how to edit my what i shot.

cut the folk talk down to ten, please.

2008-10-03T07:43:00.003-04:00

ok, ok. so sarah palin didn't do so bad last night. i almost felt like at the end of the debate she was going to stand out on the platform and go "in your face katie couric!". but, she still sucks. and this is why.
when bush was elected, your average voter said it was because "i felt like i could go out and have a beer with him". now, according to the polls, all of those same people are saying "maybe it's not so good to have a drinkin' buddy run the country"...um, yeah. so, now, miss palin has taken to calling herself 'joe six-pack'...speaking for the common man, filling the debate with all her 'gosh darnits' and 'you betchas' and 'fightin' and a' runnin' and even to the point of winking at the camera several times while speaking. she's a salesman, she's read the book, we get it sarah, now calm down.
i can say, without disrespect, that i come from common people. my family was lower middle class at best, and only one of my parents had even a high school education. my parents didn't have money to send me to college, not even with loans, and they worked their asses off and still do (with no end/retirement in sight).
my parents don't take too kindly to someone speaking to them like children, just because they work hard and don't eat on fine linens (but they do drink their bud light out of a frosty mug, they're not animals). and that's what miss palin sounded like to me, she was speaking to children. almost like a kindergarten teacher. it was off putting and condescending i felt. even though she's had several flub ups with the media, proving that she really isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, she had to at least have enough intellegence to get herself elected gov of alaska.
but, let's face it america, we don't need another bush. we don't need another nickname calling, dagnabbit spouting, rootin' tootin' common man. seriously. JUST LISTEN TO HER. she's speaking down to you america. she thinks your dumb. like her. just like the rest of the world thinks you are. she's "lowering" herself. you know what the similes for 'joe six pack' are when you do a google search?? this is from wickipedia describing definitions for 'john q. public':
"Roughly equivalent, but more pejorative, are the names Joe Six-pack, Joe Blow, and Joe Schmoe, implying a lower-class citizen (from the Yiddish schmo: simpleton, or possibly Hebrew sh'mo: (what's)-his-name)."

joe blow?? c'mon america! do you really want your vice president, possibly president referring to you as 'what's his name' simply because of your common man status???
really?

do what you want america, but i'm tired of the smirks and the winks and the cutsie little common man crap. it's not real, and it's demeaning.
we need a real president, not a character.

joe six pack????!!

2008-10-02T20:24:00.000-04:00

really, sarah, really?

quitter

2008-10-01T20:20:00.001-04:00

yar. ok, making chain maille is fucking hard, and i'm not sure it's worth it, no matter what it does to hubby. i'm going to watch project runway now.

autumn this a way comes

2008-10-01T13:54:00.002-04:00

it's been raining relentlessly for a few days now. our entire house smells like wet dog (thank you miss scout). last evening, i invited a few moms over to our place for a night of knitting and some good ol' fashion chatter. i burned lots of candles and still couldn't quite get the smell of wet dog and fart out of our living room (i think maybe we've changed harlan's diapers on the floor one too many times).
it was a nice evening. lots of mamas, chattering chattering and drinking wine. i felt like a lazy hostess, but whatever, my bathroom was clean, take it or leave it.
regardless of the rain, i'm happy it's finally fall. and i'm excited about the month of october. no particular reason. i love halloween, i love pumpkin soup, i love apple picking, i love bonfires, i love county fairs, i love end of the summer yardsales (even though i'll be missing my favorite favorite place to go in the fall this weekend, the town wide yardsale in warrensburn, new york. oh, so many antique tzotchkes and so little money). i love light weight sweaters, i love thick tights, i love scarves.
i count these things as very important to me, and bailout or no bailout, i'll still continue to be happy about all of them. (you see, it pays to be poor these days. lost my 401K?? what 401K??? HAR!)

last weekend, we took a trip to king richard's faire...a huge renn fest in carver, mass. cheesy, super cheesy...so much cheesy that i almost choked. but harlan had fun, and the jousting was cool, the honey mead was tasty and the giant turkey legs were awesome.
and in the midst of lots of men in tights and fluffy women with squished bosoms, i found a beacon in the night. a chain maille shop. despite what the outfits did to hubby (bowchickabowbow), they inspired me to try to take up jewelry making again.
so, today i bought some little jump rings and maybe tonight i'll try to attach them together in some way so they look creative. and maybe for christmas, i'll actually have something more interesting to make for my dear friends other than knitted scarves and dishrags. woo.

see Sarah Palin pictures

RAWWWWWWRRRRR!!!

2008-09-29T16:38:00.002-04:00

HOW?! HOW ON EARTH??!!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JESUS, BUDDHA, MUHAMMED, WHOEVER...SOMEONE HELP US!!

Paul Newman 1925-2008

2008-09-27T19:11:00.004-04:00

goodnight you beautiful blue eyed prince...

HA!

2008-09-22T21:50:00.002-04:00

in describing jeremy piven's outfit for the 2008 emmy awards, one of the hosts of E's fashion police said it was "too jehovah's witness chic for me".
HAHAHAHAHAHA....

are those tracts in his pocket??
(only jw's would get this)

instant husband/political celebrity/dad

2008-09-04T14:26:00.004-04:00

dude, you REALLY should have worn a condom.
seriously.

represent

2008-08-29T20:20:00.003-04:00

i love you merle and willie, but this is what the song is supposed to sound like. want to make sure everyone knows.

dig it

2008-08-29T10:19:00.000-04:00

really lovin' on this song right now:
Dont Believe Nothing - Ike & Tina Turner

oldham is as oldham does

2008-08-27T16:35:00.002-04:00

yeah yeah, i listen to way too much of this guy. but, i really really love this song, and this album, and i think everyone should know it, and love it, like i do.
So Everyone - Bonnie Prince Billy

just the best chorus ever (or at least, to me, at this very minute):

"Oh take it Oh take me
Oh Take it so easy
Oh make it Oh make me
Oh kneel down and please me
Oh Lady Oh Boy
Show how you want me
and do it so everyone sees me"

peaches so good they'd make you slap yo' mama

2008-08-25T14:04:00.002-04:00

and your grandmama!
never been peach picking in new england? get your ass out there this weekend and GO! these are the sexiest peaches i've ever had the pleasure of biting into, and they could stand up to the sweetest goergia peach any day. (and that's saying something)
tonight, i make chilled peach soup in a valiant attempt to use all of our peaches before they're over ripe and mush.
CHILLED PEACH SOUP
2 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. fresh mint
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
2 cups half and half (but i'm going to try yogurt)
10 fresh sweet ass peaches, sliced

heat all in a saucepan on medium heat until peaches are tender...puree with hand blender...chill in fridge.
good eatin'!
yum.

people

2008-08-18T08:43:00.004-04:00

i used to have a job outside of our house. i've always hated my jobs, so when i got pregnant, i actually looked forward to becoming a housemum. i had ideals of long days doing crafts or lazying around the playground or musuems. and really, that's kind of what my life is like. but, it is also filled with lots of screaming, very little sleep, and a house that seems to always be in chaos. and i only have one child.

so begins a very roundabout way of telling the story of how i hit a woman with my car.
'bumped' her, actually. when i worked outside of our house, i waited for the bus at a bus stop not far from our house. it was basically in a parking lot and each day i would tell ernie, 'one day, someone is going to back over me with their car', because every day someone would almost back over me with their car. so, you can imagine how upset i was, when I was the person who almost backed over someone with their car. you see, i'm tired, i'm very tired most of the time. my attention span is very short and my patience is solely reserved for harlan. i was backing up, i was turned around, i noticed harlan in his carseat, i noticed the car stopped on the road beeping it's horn at me (apparently because there was a woman i was about to back over), and i failed to noticed THE WOMAN STANDING BEHIND MY CAR! so, i bumped her.

she was not amused. she was older (50+), she had crazy tattoos and a short butch haircut, and if it weren't for harlan, she would have kicked my ass. she came over to my window, and i apologized profusely. never have i apologized more profusely than i did right then. i was so sorry. i offered her a ride, that's how bad i felt. then, my saving grace, the bus came, on time. hallalujah god in heaven.

what have we learned from this little foible?
1. when you notice someone in a car near you, honking their horn and waving their hands around, put your foot on the brake.
2. do not wear your ipod while waiting for the bus, there are many sleep deprived moms out there, they may bump you with their car.

august

2008-08-15T10:59:00.001-04:00

i love all things black keys.
best end of summer song. beach breeze and peaches.
Youre The One - The Black Keys

2008-08-14T12:03:00.001-04:00

it's what's up in arlington

2008-08-14T11:35:00.001-04:00

partying in nyc...too much applejuice

2008-08-14T11:31:00.000-04:00

follow the yellow brick road, chicago botanic gardens

random pics

2008-08-14T11:25:00.003-04:00

harlan ignores a frank lloyd wright chair (while playing in the pulpit at unity temple)

harlan and the vortex

big'un

2008-08-03T21:10:00.001-04:00

in massachusetts, they call'em 'god's blueberries'.

and back again

2008-07-29T09:20:00.002-04:00

arriving home to boston from a month in the suburban midwest was a shock to the system for sure. i mean, it's not like i went to another planet, but things there are, 'different'. for example, the people are noticeably nicer than the northeast, and noticeably 'not bitter'. while in chicago, i went into a cafe in wickerpark (which would be the chicago equivalent of davis square, only bigger). not only was the waitstaff not hateful and mean, but when i asked the counter help how far the communter rail was from there, she asked everyone else behind the counter AND offered to go into the back and look it up online just to be sure. wierd.
being a good southern girl, i grew up around 'over the top' niceness. but the niceness in the south is different than the midwest. in the south, people are super nice to your face, and then they usually talk about you when you walk away ("good lord, did you see that child's hair, bless her heart, it just looked god awful", that sort of thing).
but, in the midwest, i really felt like they were sincere. maybe it's all the fresh air. maybe it was because i went there in the summer, and people are so happy to have survived another winter that they thank god every day that they're alive.
who knows what causes this sort of odd, humane and decent behavior...but i wish we had more of it around here.

in a twist, i've decided to stop hating boston and surrounding area so much. i know that i can't change the bitterness and meanness of the people who live here, so i'm changing my own attitude. i realize that while boston may not be the kind of city that i love, or will ever truly 'love', there are a lot of great things going on here that i hope to be more involved in, and there's always the ocean (smells better than a lake), and the mountains are very near if i ever want to lose my mind and live as a hermit.

and this has nothing to do with anything, but this is my new favorite comic. (bit of dirtiness, if you're sensitive to that sort of thing)
fuck you dane cook!

everybody loves raymond

2008-07-04T12:39:00.002-04:00

seriously considering getting started on a giant tattoo while here in the windy city. there are some great artist here and getting a tattoo in massachusetts kind of scares me since it's only been legal there for around 9 years. (oh where oh where did my youthful inhibitions go).
in my searching for tattoo ideas, i found this. it is my favorite tattoo of all times. i love the font, i love the placement, i love the sentiment. good job crazy lady.

off topic: pixies fans

2008-07-02T18:38:00.004-04:00

just watched the documentary 'loudQUIETloud' about the reuniting of the pixies a few years back. (a concert that i missed because i was broke and let the tickets sell out...therefore, i have never seen a band that so deeply influenced my teen years that i tear up every time i hear one of their songs...missed seeing them when i was in highschool for religious reasons..yeah, seriously.)
the movie made me sad, and happy for many different reasons. sad that they are over, and there will never be another band like them, sad that they really don't seem to be aware of how much they've influenced the state of EVERTHING we listen to today, sad that except for joey, they all seem a little depressed and little broken (but, aren't we all?)...happy that they existed and were a part of my life, happy that i knew who they were even though i lived in the middle of nowhere and could have been listening to only garth brooks and reba macintyre (for this i thank jeremy kerr for making me that amazing mix tape when i was a freshman, can't thank you enough), happy because one day i will get to play doolittle and surfer rosa for harlan and tell him if it weren't for a little known guitarist named joey santiago, we wouldn't have classic rock bands like 'nirvana'.
to the pixies, i salute you.

suburbia, illinois summer '08

2008-07-02T12:39:00.002-04:00

cornfields and condo complexes as far as the eye can see. miles and miles of farmland out here in illinois and what do we americans do with it?? turn it into sustainable living communities to benefit the rest of the world?? no, we turn it into box chain stores and restaurants and fill it with miles and miles of perfectly manicured, exactly matching houses and condo 'communities' and give them names like 'rolling meadows', and 'torrey pines'. i didn't grow up in a suburb like this. granted, tennessee has it's fair share of mcmansions, box stores and condos, but where i grew up was much more, um, 'rural' (or 'bum fucked' to use a more descriptive metaphor).
this place just freaks me out a little. it's all so clean, so well packaged.
but, with all downsides, there are upsides (i think). and those are, that i'm five minutes from the super target, 20 minutes from ikea, and 2 minutes from a box chain called "meijer" (pronounced 'may-yer' as in john, ernie and i debated over how to pronounce the name when we got here. i said it was 'major' and he said it was a more exotic sounding 'may -har', we were both wrong...crazy cornfield town)...which is an EXACT replica of the super walmarts of my youth. it's bizarro walmart.
(me want low prices, rRRRR!!)

we are an hour outside of chicago proper, and with the traffic (good lord the traffic), at times it's a two hour trip. so, we've been downtown once, and harlan had a little bit of trouble with the city, it seemed to make him screechy, so we left early. the city looked beautiful and hopefully we'll have more times to explore.
for the forth of july weekend however, i think we're going to take in some true midwestern small town america. there are towns nearby that boast of old time trolley rides, antique soda fountains and small town fireworks displays on the river. ahh, i can almost smell the cotton candy and popcorn. maybe i'll wear some red gingham and put on my fanciest blue eyeshadow.

yum.

chi town

2008-06-19T09:36:00.003-04:00

team doeg is venturing into the wilds of greater chicago for the next month.
harlan and i will be flying out today and i really hope that my yoga practice will make it easier to change his diaper in those tiny little bathrooms. it's a funny time in your life when your biggest concern when preparing for a flight is 'when is baby going to poop?'.
here are some fun facts:
*According to state law in Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. The
officially recognized language is ``American.''
*In Guernee,IL it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to
ride horses in shorts. (that just seems like good logic)
*A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be
called master, not mister, when addressed by their female
counterparts. (this will be fun)
*In Chicago it is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (again, logic prevails)
*In Chicago, it is illegal to give a dog wiskey. (this will be one sober vacation for scout)
*In IL it is illegal to fish in your pajamas. (it should also be illegal for high school age girls to go the mall in their pajamas...just sayin', pajama bottoms with the word 'juicy' across your big butt, not a good look).

...off to the city of big shoulders.

cheers.

lists

2008-06-13T13:16:00.002-04:00

a list of things i should probably stop saying before my child starts discernibly repeating everything i say (none that i'm particularly proud of):

1. 'that's just retarded'
2. 'you know how i know you're gay...'
3. 'pick a lane, douchebag'
4. 'that's what she said'
5. 'oh, for f*ck's sake, pick a lane!!'
6. 'cooch, cunt, 'gina, vaj, and all other naughty words for my holy bits' (as well as surrounding slang, i.e. cunt rag).
7. 'meter readers are boils on the ass of society' (as well as anything i may have said during an on street rant today when a meter reader hid around a corner, watched me get my child out of my car, strap him into his stroller, frantically search through my purse for quarters, then walk away from my car and go into the bodega to get quarters and proceeded to put a ticket on my car in the one minute that i was gone...no lie, i checked the time on my phone and the time on the ticket...just plain mean and bitter...saw said meter reader later walking down the street, almost yelled out "hey you fat fuck, sorry you're such a miserable piece of shit", then realized that she was, in fact, a fat, miserable looking human being, and was afraid if i yelled that at her, i may be personally responsible for her suicide attempt).
8. 'hey you fat fuck, sorry you're such a miserable piece of shit'
9. 'i don't mind maroon 5 so much'
10. 'harlan, did you just shit your diaper?'

heat

2008-06-11T10:45:00.003-04:00

one week in new york city is enough to make boston look like the most boring city in the world. pics and a rundown of my trip to come soon (for posterity, you know).

the current heatwave in new england is making me feel very nostalgic.
one summer in tennessee, (where the heat/humidity is so oppressive at times, it can make the tops of your knees sweat), i think i listened to this song two billion times (at least). i still hold a special place for it in my heart.
Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins

love'em lolcats

2008-05-30T08:56:00.001-04:00

more cat pictures

it's summer!

2008-05-28T10:37:00.001-04:00

ramble on

2008-05-27T10:39:00.005-04:00

just some highlights from the past few weeks:
* mom's visit came and went. she caught a cold, then bronchitis, then her back went out. all around the same time that hubby's grandma passed away...all right around mother's day. good times. she and harlan did become best friends, and i'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she let him drink soda at the au bon pain. (like any good granma would)
* in my lazy battle of the bulge and attempt to get my body 'bathing suit ready', i've gained three pounds. fabulous! it seems my strict regimen of tiramisu and coffee isn't working as well as i had intended.
* went to the somerville open studios, amazing, best open studios ever! fell in love (again) with the idea of turning our back bedroom into an art/craft studio...quickly lost motivation, ended up on the couch watching 'so you think you can dance' (god, i love that show!).
* bought harlan a water/sand pit for the back yard. realized that no amount of clothing can keep sand out of the crack of your ass.
* cultivating my green thumb. started with some succulents to build up confidence in my ability to keep things alive. bought some herbs (lemon verbena, chocolate mint, two kinds of lavender) to make me feel european. (hubby is afraid of the chocolate mint, he thinks it may be a mind trick)
* rigorously planning day to day itineraries for our week long trip to nyc. more excited than words can say. me and baby, alone in the city, for a week. if i can pull this one off, i will officially have 'supermom cred'.
* becoming overwhelmed planning for a month long venture to chicago. reading 'devil in the white city' (about a psycho murderer and the building of the 1893 world's fair chicago) to put me in the mood for our adventure.
* still working on baby proofing the house. should be finished by the time harlan reaches high school.

and that's my time. thank you and goodnight.

not easy being green

2008-04-21T17:02:00.003-04:00

i do not have the right to get preachy about earth day. i mean, i have a kid...he's pretty much an environmental disaster all wrapped up in a cute little package. i can't even begin to count how many boxes of wet wipes we've gone through since he's been born...not too mention all of the plastic this and plastic that (toys, cups, etc, etc) that kids go through these days. and they make stuff for kids like they make cell phones...they 'self-obsolete' after about 6 months of use.
we try, hubby and i, to do the best we can. we use cloth diapers (even though we do use the occasional disposable). i try to use cloth grocery bags, (when i remember them). but, it's obvious to us, that there is so much more we could do. (so, so much more)
so, tomorrow, as if to punch it into gear, i'm going to black out our house. television, radio, and computer will all be unplugged for the day. lights will be off (i'm sure i'll forget a time here and there), and i'm going to walk and use public transportation to take our trip to the zoo for their earth day celebration.
these things are simple to do, but they are things we take for granted, because of the lifestyles which we're so accustomed.
now, i know that not everyone can 'blackout', but i'm sure there is something simple that everyone can try for just one day to help ease our carbon footprint.
it takes a bit of extra time for planning, and i realize just how precious time is these days, to everyone. but, maybe just for a day. one day. c'mon guys!

some ideas:
- consider purchasing cloth grocery bags instead of paper or plastic (keep them in your car, they're easier to remember to use)
- if you have a kid, consider buying used toys, etc, from craigslist or other sites.
- unplug electronics when they aren't being used, even when they're turned off they're still sucking up energy.
- whenever you can, walk, bike or use public transportation
- if you live in a rural area with no recycling program, consider starting one in your neighborhood (or hollar...:-)
- turn off that faucet when you shave and brush your teeth...or better yet, shave and brush in the shower.
- buy local organic produce from local farmer's markets (or, if you can, consider a CSA to support local agriculture)

these are all things that i'm looking at doing myself, i promise i'm not being preachy (see above)...it's a slow going process, but it's not impossible to make changes.

CHEERS and HAPPY EARTH DAY!

rose blanche

2008-04-16T08:37:00.002-04:00

spring is creeping in on us. it's hanging out, showing it's face with a few warm days here and there. still not warm enough to really get excited about, but harlan needs his vitamin D so we're out in the sun whenever it shines.
i'm fascinated at watching pure human nature show through in my son's behavior. if you place cheerios on a chair for him to easily reach, he will place them on the floor and sit down and eat them from the floor. (not throw them, but gingerly 'place' them on the floor, very intently). he shrieks and squeals at pigeons as if they're the most unique and amazing creatures he's ever seen. he laughs and says hello to pictures of other babies and children, but if a real one is around, he freezes and is suddenly shy. he gets so excited to be near you sometimes, he'll lean in and bite your face (other moms have verified that this is normal, and my child is not a vampire, btw).

i continue to try to watch harlan for cues on my own behavior. and i let him keep me in check when i forget to 'live in the now, and not in the future'.

today, i'm missing paris. it's easy to miss...but, i'm excited beyond words about a week long trip to nyc in june. can't wait to play mom in the big city. need some new clothes, these boston clothes are drab.

bring the noise!

2008-04-03T12:22:00.002-04:00

as if in response to my previous post (or maybe just in response to my horrible mood this week), harlan screamed last night at 1am for two and a half hours. we're talking, inconsolable, balls to the wall, full throat, kill your mother screaming. he was taking no prisoners, he was on a mission, he was fit to be tied.
thanks harlan, ya done good by me.

blue

2008-04-01T10:41:00.002-04:00

blue moods have taken over this week, but at least i know where they're coming from. sad news in my family. if any of you know my little brother nigel and what a talented and beautiful person he is, you understand. with some people, the world just eats them up and spits them out. it almost seems they never had a chance in the first place...not in this life.
live for the day, love your life, no matter how miserable you think you are...it could all be taken away from you in a second. and the next thing you know, you're staring down four walls in a 5x5 cell for the next 29 years. the judicial system doesn't work in the favor of the poor, or even middle class, it could happen to any one of us.
take comfort in your morning coffee (or tea), take comfort in your warm clean bed, take comfort in the sunshine on your face or the rain, take comfort in your freedom and never take it for granted.

this song is for my little brother, while you aren't gone forever, i will miss you just the same.

songs of the week...

2008-03-24T10:43:00.004-04:00

to prove what freakish mood swings i've been having this week (partly due to a terrible cold i caught from my sprog and the fact that spring is right around the corner...), here are the songs i can't stop listening to:

drop the phone by shy child

this song (band) makes me want to be lil' single gal again. i saw this band on some random fashion show that happen to be on bravo while i was flipping channels one night, and it was a drummer and a guy playing keytar (yeah, you heard me, 'keytar') and a bunch of models walking around chairs like a cake walk. it was fun to watch, and i immediately had the song stuck in my head for days. i just want to put on striped tights with a mini skirt and dance like i've had too many fizzy pink drinks.
(also the lyrics crack me up, they're so completely ridiculous)

raining in darling by bonnie prince billy

i promise i do listen to things other than will oldham projects...but hubby put this album ('i see a darkness') on the other day during breakfast and i had completely forgotten how much i loved this song...now i can't get it out of my head (when i don't have that shy child song in my head, of course).

ttfn.

pillow fight!!!

2008-03-17T12:58:00.004-04:00

ahh...a wholesome event for the family...BRING IT!!

Saturday, March 22nd, 2PM
Copley Square

It is with pride that we announce Boston has been invited to participate in the first International Pillow Fight Day!

They have been happening in cities throughout the past years, but for the first time, we are going to attempt to hold them all on one day.

Beijing, Budapest, Copenhagen, Alabama, London, Melbourne, NYC, Paris, Pécs, Shanghai, Stockholm, Sydney, Székesfehérvár, Szombathely, Vancouver, Washington D.C

This is just a short list of the over 21 cities taking part in this event. Turnout in some of these cities is expected to peak over 700!

Place: Copley Square. Exact location
Time: 2:00PM, at the sound of the airhorn (Show up at least 5 minutes early)

For those who don’t know about these pillow fights, they are quite fun and simple!
Pretty straight forward instructions:

Show up at 1:55pm, remain inconspicuous to the best of your abilities.
At 2pm, you’ll hear an air horn, rush in and pillow fight away.

The rules for this pillow fight are pretty straight forward:

1. Bring a pillow, a soft one is preferred
2. Don’t hit anyone without a pillow
3. If you are wearing glasses, make sure you take them off.
4. Don’t hit people with cameras
5. Go all out!

Costumes are of course encouraged. This event is child-appropriate!

Invite your friends, family and co-workers. Spread the word! Let’s put Boston on the International Pillow Fight Map!

with a knick knack paddywack give a dog a bone...

2008-03-11T11:47:00.002-04:00

many posts ago, i had made a list of songs that i wanted harlan to love, that weren't really children's songs. while this lists grows daily, i've also discovered some pretty good albums for him that actually are children's songs.
here are some of my faves (which, by the way, are great for adults to, if you're ever in the mood to run through rain puddles, make mud pies, or sit on your stoop and blow bubbles all day):

"little mo'mccoury" by the del mccoury band
you can't really go wrong with bluegrass, in my opinion. personal favorites from this one, are 'monkey and the engineer' and 'mama's blues'.

"little bird" by elizabeth mitchell
i was very skeptical of this lady until i heard the cd and saw what a calming affect it had on harlan. she has a sweet little voice that just soothes his little soul. i also like the fact that she did a version of a velvet underground song...i can only hope some fine day on the playground, harlan can be heard singing 'what goes on' at top volume while swinging his day away.
sidenote, she also has an indie band named 'ida'.

"lullabye renditions of the cure" by rockabye baby records
harlan LOVES this cd. we used to use it to put him to sleep, and the other day, when it was on at his playgroup, i noticed him yawning, and drowsing about. also good for adult insomnia.

"nighttime" by dan zanes
this was a recent purchase, after hubby and i looked him up and heard the song "smile smile smile" and realized that harlan perked right up when he heard it. it's a bit of a goofy folky cd, but i have a feeling when harlan gets a little older (to that sing along age), it will be one of his favorites. and it really is damn catchy.

that's all for now...i'm sure there are tons more, and if anyone has any suggestions i'm all ears. (NO wiggles, NO kidzbop, NO barney, and NO doodlebops)

top five; fantasy playgroup

2008-02-25T17:38:00.003-05:00

top five parents in my fantasy playgroup
1. jon stewart and wife...the quick witted playgroup commentary would be outstanding, and i love it when jon stewart giggles uncontrollably.
2. david duchovny and tea leoni...they seem like they would show up at playgroup with all the fixin's for whisky sours.
3. conan o'brian and wife...i just want to know if conan walks around playgroup going "rawr, i'm the biggest adult on the planet, bow to me tiny babies!!"
4. heidi klum (but not husband)...not only hot, but also hilarious and german.
5. gwen stefani (but not husband)...her kids are probably super fashionable, and hella cool, just hanging out with them would make harlan cooler.

runners up:
jack black and wife (ernie and i are undecided as to whether he would be a really cool dad to hang with, or that dad in the playgroup that you just want to punch)
kate winslet and husband (they seem just lovely)
jennifer connely and paul bettany (cause they're so pretty)

is there no end??!!

2008-02-20T12:51:00.004-05:00

apparently, they have also been making out with each other.
i'll just leave you with that.

oh scarlett johansson, could you GET any hotter??!!

2008-02-14T11:17:00.003-05:00

from pitchfork news:
Scarlett Johansson Album
"Frankly, Scarlett, we do give a damn. Anywhere I Lay My Head, the previously reported debut album from screen thespian Scarlett Johansson, arrives May 20 on Atco/Rhino.

It's an album comprised almost entirely of Tom Waits covers, with one ScarJo original, "Song for Jo", as its centerpiece. And now we know just which Waits numbers get the Johansson touch: "I Don't Want to Grow Up", "Town With No Cheer", and "No One Knows I'm Gone" are among the tunes by the gravel-voiced one that make up the rather odd Anywhere tracklist, reported on Billboard.com yesterday evening.

We already knew Dave Sitek produced and members of Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Celebration, and Stars Like Fleas play on it, but here's the kicker: a pair of tracks ("Falling Down" and "Fannin' Street") feature guest vocals from none other than David Bowie! That's right: the other girl from Ghost World has recorded Tom Waits covers with David Bowie. Minds = blown.

As far as the covers themselves, "I Don't Want to Grow Up" will probably turn some heads. The Billboard.com report describes the track as having "drum machine beats straight out of a New Order song." Oh boy.

Waits gave the project his blessing, however. "I sent him some of the early, early recordings," Johansson told journalists at a press conference yesterday, "and he said, 'Go ahead.'

"I've heard he's very pleased."

While Johansson has no immediate plans to tour the Anywhere material, she is considering the possibility of "getting everybody together" for a festival appearance.

Anywhere I Lay My Head:

01 Fawn
02 Town With No Cheer
03 Falling Down
04 Anywhere I Lay My Head
05 Fannin' Street
06 Song for Jo
07 Green Grass
08 I Wish I Was in New Orleans
09 I Don't Want to Grow Up
10 No One Knows I'm Gone
11 Who Are You?

__________________________________

ok, ok...so it's not enough that she's smokin' hot, but she also is a tom waits fan, enough to make a cover album...AND she got david bowie (oh my jesus!) to do backing vocals on said album.
i just want to put her in my pocket and take her home.

speaking of boobs...

2008-02-12T18:44:00.001-05:00

love it.

"i hate almost all rich people, but i think i'd be darling at it"

2008-02-08T09:13:00.000-05:00

if anyone has any ideas on how to make a good amount of money pretty quickly, please let me know (and the rest of us).
also, if anyone has any ideas on how exactly to get dried teething biscuit out of the keys of your keyboard, please let me know.

carry on.

if you like sigur ros...

2008-02-05T20:11:00.000-05:00

you'll love these guys (or ladies, as they were)...
oddly enough, their album cover, and the drone-ish 'into the ether' feel of their music, has inspired me to do more knitting.
there will be scarves a plenty, just in time for spring.

anger

2008-02-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

some say anger can eat you from the inside out. it's true. i'm very angry today at someone i thought was a close friend. about things that are out of my control. people and their actions that i can't control, and i can't seem to get through to them how their overly sensitive, passive aggressive behavior is killing me. i've been seething all day. my chest hurts, my head hurts, my jaw hurts from being unconsciously clinched, my stomach is cramped into knots, my back is achy, i'm just an all around mess...i'm being eaten from the inside out.
it's time to take a drive, it's time to meditate. it's time for me to take stock of the beautiful things in my life, and the few, rare beautiful people around me.
change is on the way, i know it is.

_______________________________________________________________

on a completely unrelated topic; i'm really glad the patriots didn't win the super bowl. i could have cared less about that idiot game. but to live in massachusetts and have to listen to all of the cocky nonsense that spouts from people's mouths around this area about that stupid football team made me root root root for the giants, and actually watch the last five minutes (or 'the best five minutes') of the game (whereas previously, hubby and i had been watching the 'puppy bowl' on animal planet, soon to be a yearly family tradition).
and what the hell was with that fool belichick rushing out onto the field when they ran down the last two seconds of the clock without his permission???! as if the hand of god was going to come down and sweep the ball over for a touchdown in those last two seconds. what a cheating jack ass loser!